Twisted:Beyond happily ever after
by MillaMayhem
Summary: Sequel to a modern fairytale.  15 years after Alex and Olivia's dreadful past they're happy and have built a much loved life for themselves and their family. When an old friend comes to their doorstep and threatens their family bond can they hold strong?
1. Visit from a stranger

**A/N**

**So I did say I'd finish secrets first but...I was too excited. So this and secrets will become my main two points of interest. As I've dislocated my kneecap and am on crutches I've been spending alot of time off school and in bed. I'm going to school tomorrow and on Friday but I have a 3 day weekend so that's the reason for all the advancements. Basically this sequel is set 15 years after the first Twisted. So you should catch on soon enough. .LEARN MillaMayhem xo**

**...**

"Hey Hannah bear pass mommy that wrench please." Olivia smiled.

Hannah passed the wrench to her mother's oil covered hands before continuing to sway back and forth in the dirt.

"Are you done yet?" Hannah asked inquisitively as she peered under the car.

"Almost...Just a few more tweaks and she'll be going like she used to." Olivia said as her tongue poked out from her mouth.

The sound of a ringing doorbell filled the ears of a busy household.

It overcame the sounds of animals and children right through to the back garden where Olivia with the assistance of Hannah was trying to fix the old Torana which lay rusty in the back garden longer than Hannah cared to remember.

"Hannah. Go get the door for mommy please."

"Okies." Hannah said as she got up and dusted off her overalls.

Hannah ran through the back garden and into the house.

Her goggles now resided on her head as her wispy blonde hair blew behind her.

"Hannah Lucinda Karin Benson! I told you not to track mud through my nice clean house!" Alex shouted after her daughter while trying to manoeuvrer the washing basket through the lounge room door.

"Sorry mom!" Hannah shouted back as she opened the door.

The woman at the door was tall and thin with raven black hair and large shades.

She stared down at Hannah with a slight smile on her face before bending down to Hannah's height and placing the shades on her head.

"Noah! Come get your soccer ball off the floor!" Alex shouted up the stairs before disappearing back into the kitchen.

The deep blue eyes of the raven haired girl followed Alex's moving form for a few moments before shifting back to Hannah who was staring at her curiously.

Her large cerulean eyes were a mimic of Alex's.

"Would you mind if I spoke to your mom?" The stranger asked Hannah.

"Which one?" Hannah asked innocently.

The raven haired girl was confused for a moment but recovered just as quickly.

"Alex." She smiled.

"Okay I'll get her." Hannah smiled.

The raven haired girl stood up again as she waited patiently at their doorstep.

"Mom! Someone's here for you!" Hannah shouted through the house.

"Give me a sec' honey I'm a little busy at the moment. Bring them in."

Hannah turned back to the raven haired girl and motioned her in.

"Beth! Come down and watch Claire for a moment." Alex shouted.

As Hannah and the raven haired girl walked past the stairs another girl joined their line.

She had flame red hair just past her shoulders and set of black jeans with a 'bullet for my valentine' shirt.

She pushed past Hannah into the lounge room.

When they got to the kitchen Alex was piling some books from the dining table and attempting to pick them all up.

"Elijah. Come get your books please. Mommy needs the space for work."

"Mom." Hannah said trying to get Alex's attention.

Ales turned to Hannah and the raven haired girl.

The mere sight of the other woman in her kitchen made her drop the books.

"Catherine?"


	2. Easy way out

"Wow you hadn't forgotten me." Catherine smiled at a shocked Alex.

"Hannah out and help mommy please." Alex asked Hannah quietly.

Elijah came in quietly to collect his books without saying a word.

He briefly stared at the unknown face in his kitchen but just as soon shrugged it off.

Alex did nothing but stare wide eyed at the sister she hadn't seen for 15 years before rushing over and taking Catherine in her arms.

"You're so...grown up!" Alex exclaimed as she pulled back to look at her sister.

She was as tall as Alex and had long raven hair just like the last time Alex had seen her.

"Would you like some tea?" Alex asked as she tried to regain her composure and dry her eyes.

"Thanks. Black, 2 sugars." Catherine smiled as she sat down at the table.

Alex quickly prepared the tea before sitting across from Catherine.

Moments of silence passed until Alex asked the only question she was wondering.

"How'd you find us?"

A smirk crept onto Catherine's face as she sipped her tea.

"I hired an investigator. It wasn't hard."

"Then how come nobody else found us first?"

Catherine sighed and put down her cup.

"Because nobody looked. When you left...things changed."

Alex didn't want to remember leaving.

She'd always felt guilty about leaving Catherine behind, always wondered how she was...

"I'm sorry." Alex whispered into her cup.

She wasn't sorry for leaving but she was sorry about leaving others behind.

She couldn't explain it.

"Why?" Catherine laughed.

"You've got everything you ever wanted. Olivia, a house, a million little monsters." She giggled.

"I guess." Alex laughed back

"How many?" Catherine asked as her brow furrowed.

"Five. Five kids and a house full of animals." Alex laughed.

They were a big family.

They were all close too.

Even if they didn't realise it.

"How old are they?" Catherine asked quietly.

Alex sighed as she stared out into the yard where Olivia and Hannah were fixing the car.

Mechanics had always been something those two had in common.

She turned back to see Catherine waiting.

"Beth's our oldest she's 15. Then Elijah is 14 and a half. After Elijah we had 11 year old Hannah and 8 year old Noah. Our last was little Claire. She just turned 3."

"Wow." Catherine exclaimed.

"Yeah...We're happy..." Alex muttered.

For a while they just sat stirring tea until Alex looked at her sister.

"Why are you here?" Alex asked her voice sounding slightly cold.

Catherine sighed and leant back in her chair.

"Mom's sick. They think she might be dying."

"What does that have to do with me?" Alex asked as she raised an eyebrow.

"What do you mean? She's your mother too."

"She certainly didn't act like it!" Alex shot back.

"Look Alex. I know you've built a life for yourself here but I need you to come back. Mom's sick and I've spent half my life looking after her. It's your turn now."

"You can't expect me to just pick up and leave Cathy! I have a family here, a life, a job..."

"That didn't stop you from leaving 15 years ago Alex!" Catherine shouted.

Alex was slightly taken back.

"You think it was easy for me to leave?" Alex whispered.

"Shut up Alex! Yes! I do think it was easy for you to leave. That was all you ever wanted. I watched you leave. Do you think that was easy? I may not have realised it then but you were the only thing holding our family together! After you left dad killed himself. Mom started using and then she got sick. Who do you think gave away her life to stay with her? Me! I did! While you were off with your new family I was left with the last shred of our old one. Do you think that was easy for me?" Catherine cried.

Alex only sat.

"Bastard deserved to die." She said taking another sip of tea.

"As much as that may be true Alex he was still our dad even after what happened to you. That's why I wouldn't talk to you. After you stabbed him and he realised you weren't his little girl anymore he turned on me. Do you think that was easy!"

Alex was speechless.

He'd hurt her too.

Alex went to stand but Catherine chucked a crumpled piece of paper on Alex's table before storming out of the house.


	3. Second nature

Alex was left sitting in her kitchen listening to the door swinging in the wind.

Was it really her fault?

Had all of that happened?

What had she done?

Alex's thoughts were broken by the sound of footfall in her direction.

She looked up to see an oil covered, overall wearing Olivia leaning against the doorframe.

"Who was at the door?" She asked as she came to Alex.

Alex looked up to Olivia with teary eyes.

"Babe? What's wrong?" Olivia asked Alex has she knelt down and kissed the crown of her head.

"It was Catherine." Alex sobbed.

Catherine.

"What did she want?" Olivia stuttered.

Before Alex could answer Beth walked in with Claire struggling in her arms.

"Mom! Take her. Please! The little monster just spit up all over me." Beth complained angrily.

Sure enough a trail of yellow goo was oozing its way down Beth's shirt.

Olivia leaned in and kissed Alex softly before walking to Beth and taking Claire.

"Your sister is not a monster Beth. It was an accident. Now go upstairs and do your homework before dinner."

Beth grumbled before walking upstairs .

Olivia stood holding a sleepy Claire.

Claire's light brown hair felt soft against Olivia's hand as she stroked it trying to soothe the little girl to sleep.

Olivia turned back to Alex who was beginning to fill the sink with water for the dishes.

"We can talk later babe." Olivia whispered as she kissed Alex's cheek and headed upstairs.

"Noah! No soccer in the house!" Olivia shouted up the stairs as the ball came rolling down followed by a ready dressed Noah.

"Okay mom." He smiled as he headed outside with his dog Scooter.

Scooter was still a pup at only a year old.

He was Noah's 7th birthday present.

That dog might has well have been Alex and Olivia's 6th child along with their cat Blackie.

Olivia shut the door to Noah's room as she walked past before spotting Hannah playing with Brady.

"Have you fed him yet Han?" Olivia asked peering into her room.

"Yes mom. He's an iguana he only needs to be fed once a day just like all the other animals in this house."

"Not true baby. Your mother and I have to feed you 5 kids 3 times a day." Olivia smirked as Hannah poked a tongue out at her.

"Elijah?" Olivia inquired as she stuck a head into his room.

Steam flooded the hallway as Elijah stepped out of the bathroom having just showered.

"Yeah mom?"

"It's getting late. Bring Patches and Oreo inside will you? Just in case it rains."

Elijah nodded before heading to his room and turning the music up.

Beth's door was closed as Olivia walked past but the music was loud enough to be vibrating the door.

These were the times Olivia was glad that Claire could sleep through anything.

She'd go to Beth's after she put Claire down.

Olivia's arm was slowly going numb as Claire dribbled on her shirt.

She was beautiful.

They all were.

Olivia lay Claire in her crib and kissed her goodnight.

She'd be awake by dinnertime just as always.

Olivia quietly shut her bedroom door before heading to Beth's room.

"Beth? Beth honey?" She asked as she knocked on the door.

"Beth!" She said a little louder.

She heard the music go down and the door opened as Beth walked back into her room.

Olivia looked at Beth's floor and frowned.

It was covered in shirts and underwear, magazines and hair products.

"Beth. I thought I told you to clean this mess up."

"Yeah. I did. Then I messed it up again." She smiled as she slipped some food into Romeo's cage.

The lovebird chirped happily at Beth as she stroked it before closing the cage.

"That was yesterday."

"I know."

"Clean it before dinner. When I come back I'd like to be able to see the floor." Olivia warned.

Beth shrugged before ushering Olivia out of the room.

The door was shut behind her quickly which left Olivia feeling puzzled.

She walked through the hallway picking up dirty clothes and toys as she went.

When Alex and herself realised what having a child meant it was hard but after they succeeded with Beth and Elijah it became a second nature to them.

Olivia put the toys in the toy box and headed downstairs to the laundry to throw the clothes in.

"Alex? Where's Noah's jumper?" Olivia called from the laundry.

"He's wearing it." Olivia heard her laugh.

Smart Alex.

Must have made him put it on before he went out.

When Olivia walked into the lounge room to sit down for a bit Blackie was curled up peacefully on the arm of the couch.

Olivia sat down and stroked his long black fur.

When Alex came in and sat with her Olivia snuggled her head into Alex's chest as their fingers intertwined.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked as she looked up at Alex.

"Yeah. Just a little shocked. I'll tell you when the kids are in bed." Alex said as she kissed Olivia's lips softly.

"Okay." Olivia whispered as she sat up and kissed Alex back.

"Oreo and Patches are inside mom." Elijah called from the kitchen.

"Thank you honey." Olivia called as she broke the kiss and pulled Alex into her arms.

"I love you." Olivia whispered.

"I love you too."


	4. Flu

"Dinner's ready!" Alex's voice hollered through the house.

Because Alex and Olivia worked all the time and the kids went to school the only two of them who were together almost constantly was Alex and Claire.

Beth spent most of her time out with friends, Elijah had a book addiction, Hannah spent her time between Olivia and Brady and Noah had soccer.

The only time they were all in the same place was at dinner.

Olivia sat an awakening Claire in her highchair as Hannah and Noah joined the table.

"Elijah will be down in a minute." Hannah said as she pulled her chair in.

"Did you wash your hands?" Alex asked the children as she placed the spaghetti in front of them.

"Yes mom." They replied in unison.

Alex kissed the tops of their heads as they began to eat.

Just as Alex sat down Elijah slumped into his chair.

"What's up Lijah'?" Olivia asked looking over at him playing with his food.

Elijah shrugged and took a mouthful.

"Just tired." He mumbled.

"All you ever do is sleep.' Noah laughed while dribbling spaghetti sauce down his front.

"Noah! Don't talk with your mouth full." Alex scorned.

"Sorry mom." Noah mumbled.

Olivia looked up from feeding Claire to see Beth patter down the stairs.

"Your dinner's getting cold honey. Do you feel all right?" Olivia frowned.

"I have a headache." Beth said.

She did look pale, even for Beth who was very fare skinned.

"I hope you're not coming down with anything honey." Olivia frowned as she placed a hand on Beth's forehead.

"Oh honey she's burning up." Olivia gasped as she turned to Alex.

Alex frowned and put down her cutlery.

"I think we still have some cold medicine from when Noah came down with the flu." Alex muttered as she headed to the cupboard.

Alex came back with some cold and flu medicine for Beth.

"Here honey swallow a spoonful of this and go to bed. If you get hungry in the night come wake me up and I'll fix you something."

Beth swallowed the medicine and trudged upstairs.

Olivia watched her worriedly before taking Claire and changing her nappy in the lounge room.

As Alex packed up the remains of tea and Hannah and Noah were getting ready for bed Elijah sat in his bed reading 'The sky inside'.

Elijah had always liked books.

They were his way of escaping.

He hated to admit it but he hated his family.

Beth, Hannah, Noah, his moms and even Claire.

He hated himself for hating them but he couldn't help it.

Unlike Hannah and Noah he hadn't taken to being a donor child very well.

He hated his parents for being gay sometimes.

He hated not having a father...

"I'll put Claire in her crib so we can say goodnight to Han and Noah." Olivia said to Alex as she headed upstairs.


	5. Maybe another chance

"Beth! Elijah! Lights out in 2 hours okay?" Olivia shouted up the stairs before walking back to sit with Alex on the couch.

Alex contently snuggled into Olivia as she watched NCIS.

Beth's fever was still running high which meant they couldn't send her to school tomorrow.

Beth and Elijah were both in high school while Noah and Hannah were only in primary.

Olivia worked during the day so other than the 4 hours a day that Claire was in kindergarten Alex was left alone in the house.

She didn't mind though.

Alex needed the peace and quiet to clean and organise all her exhibits.

Alex was a photographer.

The house was adorned with her wonderful works of art.

"You're really tense Lex'. Do you want to talk now?"

"No...It's okay. We'll talk later I don't want to worry Beth or Elijah." Alex sighed.

Olivia was growing worried.

What had Catherine said to her?

Claire approached them with a red block in her hands smiling.

"Is this for mummy?" Alex smiled as she took the block form Claire's chubby hands.

Claire nodded and giggled.

At 3 she still barely said a word.

She'd had her first words and she could say things like 'ta', 'mum', 'Beth', 'Elijah', 'Hannah', 'Noah'.

Yet she didn't talk much.

Even when she did it would only be to Alex when no one was around.

They'd taken her to a speech therapist a few months ago but they said nothing was wrong and that she must just be shy.

They hoped that was all it was...

**...**

Once the sun had long since set, the dishes had been done, children sent to bed and showers had Alex and Olivia snuggled up in bed.

"What happened babe?" Olivia whispered into Alex's ear as she snuggled her head into the crook of Alex's neck.

Alex sighed.

"Mom's sick. Catherine says she's dying and that it's my turn to look after her and that dad killed himself and..." Alex sniffled as she talked a mile a minute.

"She says dad hurt her and that's why she ignored me and that we have to go back and help now because we've been gone so long..." Alex cried.

Olivia held her tight and thought about everything.

"What do you want to do babe? This is your decision." Alex whispered.

"I...I don't know. I don't want to uproot the kids because they're happy but I feel like I owe it to Catherine...She's my mother Liv' and maybe even if she didn't look after me I should look after her. The children have never met either of their grandmother's and maybe Cory would like to meet Beth."

The last sentence hitched in Alex's throat.

Beth knew that Alex and Olivia weren't her biological parents, she'd known for a long time.

At first Olivia and Alex had called Cory to tell her about Beth but then as Beth grew up the calls stopped.

It was like Beth was always theirs.

They'd spoken to Cory a few times in secret to ask if she wanted to meet Beth but every time she'd refused.

Beth was theirs.

She had always been theirs.

But maybe it was time for a change.

"She left me a number." Alex whispered drying her eyes.

Olivia just lay wondering as she listened intently to Alex.

She hadn't spoken to her mother in 15 years.

Didn't even know if she was alive.

Maybe it would be good to go back.

Another chance?

Maybe.

"Sleep on it Alex." Olivia whispered as she kissed the back of Alex's neck.

"Okay. I'll feel better in the morning." She sighed.

With Claire gurgling happily in her crib, the children in bed, Alex and Olivia drifting asleep and the animals nothing but silent even despite the days drama the peacefulness of teh house could not have been broken even by the pitter patter of the teeniest tinniest mouse scurrying through the house.

At least until morning.


	6. Absence

Alex was roused from her peaceful sleep by Claire rattling her crib.

Her feet squished into the soft carpet as she padded over to Claire and lifted her up.

Claire snuggled into her mother radiating her neck with heat.

Alex had woken briefly 2 hours ago when Olivia had left for work.

She worked as a mechanic further in town.

Now at 6:45am it was time to wake the rest of the house for school.

Alex pulled on a robe with Claire still in her arms as she opened the bedroom door and padded her way down the house.

She knocked on Hannah, Noah and Elijah's doors to wake them before quietly knocking on Beth's and heading in.

Claire was happily snuggled into Alex's arm as she was still rather sleepy.

Alex looked upon the soundly sleeping Beth before feeling her forehead.

Her temperature was still rather high and she was even paler than usual.

"Poor darling. You rest today." Alex whispered as she kissed the head of Beth's sleeping form.

She shut the door to Beth's room quietly before knocking on the children's doors again and heading downstairs.

She placed an awakening Claire in her highchair and let Scooter outside.

As she headed to the cupboards for breakfast she patted a waiting Blackie earning an appreciated purr as Alex's hand slid through her fur.

Once the cereal was poured 4 sleepy children were out of bed and starting to prepare for a busy day.

Elijah stabbed uneasily at his cereal as Alex fed a fussy Claire.

He had a speech at school today and was nervous because he'd never been good at public speaking.

He didn't really like spending time with people.

He'd much rather be alone reading a good book or playing chess.

Hannah took small bites of her breakfast as Noah pulled faces at her.

"Elijah when you've finished your breakfast can you please put Oreo and Patches outside in the sunshine. I'll feed them later in the afternoon." Alex asked as she stood up with Claire's empty bowl and headed to the sink.

Elijah mumbled a yes as he stood from the table and headed to get the rabbits.

"Hey mum can you please sign my homework slip?" Hannah asked as she put her bowl on the sink.

"Depends did you do it?" Alex smiled.

Hannah laughed before pointing to tiny terrarium she'd made in a jar for her science project.

Alex signed her slip and handed it back to Hannah as she picked up Claire and placed her on the floor with her blocks.

"Your uniforms are in the washing basket on the couch!" Alex shouted to the children as they began to get ready.

When she was convinced that Claire was occupied Alex headed upstairs to have a shower.

When she was done she tied her blonde tresses into a high ponytail with a delicate purple ribbon.

A few strands still managed to escape but that she was used to.

She pulled on a pair of dark blue jeans and a white shirt with a black woollen coat.

She picked out a pair of sneakers and a light blue dress and shoes for Claire before heading back downstairs.

Hannah and Noah were packing their pre-made lunches into their bags as Elijah sorted out his school books.

"Claire." Alex chirped as she poked her head into the lounge room.

"Mummy." Claire giggled as she rushed over to Alex and wrapped her chubby arms around Alex's leg and snuggled her head into the denim.

"Come on munchkin. Let's get you dressed for Kinda." Alex smiled as she took Claire's hand.

Claire followed her mother and let herself be dressed in her pretty dress and shoes before being picked up and carried to the kitchen.

Hannah cooed at Claire and made faces to entertain her as Alex packed a day bag for her.

The day bag contained a few snacks for Claire along with her favourite toys and games.

Once everyone was ready she headed up to Beth's room to wake her.

"Beth honey. I'll be back soon okay. There's leftovers in the fridge. Get well sweetie."

Beth nodded before snuggling back under the covers.

Alex shut the door quietly and hurried downstairs to collect her keys and Claire.

She locked the door behind her as the children gathered into the van.

Soon Claire was strapped into her car seat and the other children were wearing their seatbelts.

They were ready to go.

...

"Have a good day." Alex smiled as she waved off Hannah and Noah.

They smiled back before disappearing into a sea of children.

Alex pulled out from the curb with ease as Claire looked out the window happily.

Alex smiled to herself.

She had a beautiful wife and 5 lovely children.

That's part of why she was afraid.

If they did decide to go back what would happen to them.

Would Beth meet Cory and say that she didn't want to be part of this family anymore?

Alex didn't think she could handle losing any of her children.

After driving through the heavy morning traffic she came to Claire's day care centre.

She pulled up at its gates before turning of the car and un strapping Claire.

Claire reached out for her mother who picked up her and her bag before heading to the door.

Another mother held open the door for Alex to which she said a pleasant thank you before continuing inside.

She gave Claire a kiss on the cheek as she was placed with the other children.

She signed her in and gave her bag to one of the carers before heading back outside.

She now had 4 hours of alone time before Claire would need to be collected again.

9am.

Alex dug the phone out of her pocket as she slid into the car.

It was probably a good time to call the gallery and see if they needed her in today.

Her fingers dialled the number and the phone began to ring.

"Sebastian Louis." A voice answered on the other end.

"Hey Sebastian. It's Alex."

"Oh Alex darling just the person I wanted to speak to. Could you do us a bit of a favour?"

Alex smiled to herself.

"We were wondering if we could have that portrait. You know the one we used in the autumn collection last year? We're having a small exhibit for the buyers and Diane thinks it's an exquisite piece that could lead the way for the rest of the works."

"Sure. I'll have to go home and get it though. When do you need it?"

"Oh thank you darling. How about two? Does that suit?"

"Sure Sebastian I'll bring it by after I pick up Claire in the afternoon." Alex laughed.

"Sure darling. Ciao."

...

When Alex got home she checked on Beth whom still felt and looked very ill before tidying the house and letting Scooter inside.

She'd found the photograph that Sebastian had been talking about.

Alex had taken it right before the autumn exhibit last year.

She'd placed it by the door with her bag so that she wouldn't forget it before sitting down to enjoy a cup of tea.

Alex was used to the quiet.

Then again she was also used to wanting it.

Often she'd spend a long period of time in nothing but silence but then just as quickly the house would be busy again.

Scooter lay at her side protectively like he did with Noah when he was sick, or with Claire when she'd come down with a fever.

Alex patted his head gratefully.

He made a small huffing sound as she removed her hand and tapped her mug.

As she finished hertea and placed the cup in the sink her phone rang loudly through the house.

She rushed to retrieve it from her bag so that it wouldn't wake Beth.

"Alex."

"Hi this is Cheryl calling about Beth Cabot."

"I'm her mother Alex."

"Hi miss Cabot I'm calling from Beth's school. I was just ringing to ask about all her recent absences."

Alex frowned and tapped angrily against the kitchen bench.

"I'm not sure what you're talking about. Today is the first day Beth's been absent this term."

"I'm sorry miss Cabot but according to our records she's only been to school twice in the past 3 weeks."

"Yes well. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I'll be speaking to Beth so that I can clear this up tonight."

With that Alex hung up.


	7. The right decision

Alex stood motionless in the kitchen .

Beth had been skipping school and they hadn't even realised.

What kind of parents were they?

Where had Beth been going?

Alex had the anger in her to go up and deal with Beth right now but she knew better.

She'd let Olivia talk to her.

Olivia was good at this kind of thing.

She'd drop by with Claire after they'd gone to the gallery.

Alex threaded her hair through her fingers as she sighed and leant against the bench.

She looked up after a few moments.

She spied the crumpled piece of paper next to the phone.

Without thinking she took it and dialled the number into the phone.

Alex's fingers tapped the bench impatiently as the tone sounded in her ear.

"Hey, This is Catherine." A voice chirped on the other end.

"Hey Cathy...It's me. Alex."

For a few moments there was silence until the sound of voices in the background caused Catherine to ask them to hush.

"So have you made a decision?"

Alex isn't sure if she's going o regret this or not.

"I...I think we're coming down."

"Oh Alex thank you! I'll organise your rooms and a school for the kids. It'll all be taken care of by the time you get here."

Alex is extremely overwhelmed by it all.

She's not even sure if she _wants _to go back.

Does she even have a choice?

It seems that the decision is out of her hands now.

Maybe it was never in her hands.

She can't even remember.

Somehow going back there is starting to sound like a good idea when she really thinks about it.

The kids could go to a better school.

This might actually make Beth want to go.

Claire could start at a new Kinda and go for longer than 4 hours.

Olivia could fix up the old mechanics if it's still there.

They could move into the old farm house.

It's big.

Of course she'd have to do something about her old room.

She could take photographs in a new area.

Maybe this would be good...for everyone.

"Alex?"

Alex snaps out of her thoughts.

"Yeah I...I'm here."

"When are you coming?"

Catherine waits expectantly.

"I...I don't know." Alex whispers.

"Well I need a date. I'll need to fix up their rooms and organise a party and..." Catherine continues to ramble.

"And there's some things you may be surprised about."

Everything Catherine says is going over Alex's head.

She can't take it all in.

Yet Catherine still continues to talk about everything she plans on doing.

"Catherine...Catherine!"

Silence echoes on the other end of the line.

Suddenly Alex realises that she doesn't know what to say.

"I...I...We'll come next week."


	8. Stick with you

When Alex hangs up the phone she's not quite sure whether she's done the right thing or signed her own death wish.

How's she going to explain this to the kids?

Alex decides that she needs to clear her head.

She leaves a note for Beth on the bathroom door before taking her keys and heading out the door.

...

Alex drives down the quiet suburban street singing along to the radio.

"_Do you hear me? I'm talking to you. Across the water, across the deep blue ocean under the open sky. Oh my. Baby I'm tryin'." _Hums from the speaker.

Alex realises she can't help herself and so she turns up the music and sings along.

"Girl I hear you. In my dreams I feel your whisper across the sea. I keep you with me in my heart. You make it easier when life gets hard. Lucky I'm in love with my best friend. Lucky to have been where I have been. Lucky to be coming home again."

The last line stops her.

Then she chuckles at how she changed boy to girl.

She does it every time.

She's still smiling as she pulls up at Claire's kinda.

She's an hour early but that doesn't matter.

She'll take Claire to the park before they go to the gallery and the mechanics.

Alex strides through the doors with ease before signing Claire out, getting her day bag and collecting Claire in her arms.

"Have fun today sweetie?" Alex asks as she straps Claire into her car seat.

Claire nods and giggles.

Alex places a soft kiss on her cheek before shutting the door and getting in the car.

They drive for about 20 minutes before they get to the park.

The minute Claire's little feet hit the ground she's toddling happily over to the park.

Alex smiles at her and walks after her.

She sits on the grass and watches Claire explore the sandpit curiously.

There are only 2 other children at the park and their around Claire's age.

Part of Alex wishes that Claire would talk to them.

She often worries about Claire's talking.

If they go back they'd be able to get her into speech therapy.

The kids had never met their other family.

Through various stages they'd been told about them but that was it.

Alex didn't take photo's with her when she left.

She didn't want to remember.

She still thought about her father every now and then.

Sometimes she dreamed about him.

Sometimes it felt like she was back there, in that room...

Like this was the dream and that was still her reality.

But it wasn't.

She'd always thought she'd escaped but she hadn't.

She never could.

She knew that now.

No matter what Olivia did now it wouldn't change then.

It wouldn't change the scars she had.

Both physically and mentally.

Alex shivered.

She was afraid.

That's why she didn't want to go back.

But her father was dead.

What did she have to be afraid of?

The memories.

...

Alex walked through the gallery doors at half past one.

With Claire clinging to her hand as her eyes wandered around the building and her photograph under her other arm she made her way to reception.

Sebastian greeted her just as she got there before leading her away.

"Thank you darling." He said again.

Alex smiled and picked Claire up as they entered the studio.

She sat in Alex's arms munching her fingers happily as the photograph is handed off to some other preparation's specialists.

Cheryl comes up and gives Alex a small hug and kiss on the cheek.

"Who's this gorgeous little thing." Cheryl coo's at Claire.

Claire being the shy little girl she is buries her head into Alex's chest.

"Don't be shy Claire. This is mommy's boss."

Cheryl smiles.

"Thanks again Alex. We couldn't have made the exhibit without you."

"No problem. If you need anything else just call. As for that I should be going."

"Bye darling." Cheryl waves as she walks off.

Sebastian walks Alex to the door before waving her off too.

"Come on Claire bear. We're gonna go visit mommy."

Claire giggles happily.

...

Olivia watches Alex pull up out the front of the shop.

She watches as Alex takes Claire from the car and walks over smiling.

"Hey honey." Alex smiles as she leans in for a kiss.

Olivia captures the kiss careful not to touch Alex's clothes for fear of getting engine oil on them.

The kiss is broken when Claire starts to grumble between them.

Olivia smiles and leans down to look at Claire.

"How are you little miss?" Olivia asks as she kisses Claire's head.

Claire just smiles happy to be getting the attention.

Olivia stands back up and drops her tools on the floor while walking into the lounge with Alex following her.

Alex sits Claire in the playpen and walks off with Olivia.

"What's up Lex'?" Olivia asks as she leans against the bench with a glass of water.

Alex just sighs and runs her hands through her hair.

"Beth's been skipping school. ALOT."

Olivia frowns.

"Have you spoken to her?"

"No. I thought you should. You're more likely to get through to her."

"Okay I'll talk to her when I get home." Olivia says as she puts her glass in the sink.

She looks back to Alex who's leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Lex'? What's wrong?" Olivia asks cautiously as she steps towards Alex.

Alex looks up at Olivia for a moment then she bursts into tears.

Olivia rushes over and takes Alex into her arms not caring about her clothes anymore.

Alex leans into Olivia's chest liking the comfort it gives her.

"I'm scared." Alex sobs.

"About what baby?"

"Going back there. I don't want to keep remembering. I don't want to keep feeling it..."

Olivia runs a hand through Alex's hair.

"We don't have to go back babe. This is your decision."

"B...But we do. I said we'd go."

"When?"

"Today. I rang Cathy and told her we'd come down in a week."

Olivia is shocked.

A week?

"I'm sorry." Alex whispers into Olivia's chest.

"Don't be sorry Alex. Never be sorry..." Olivia whispers as Alex backs away and dry's her tears.

"Thank you Liv'." Alex whispers as she wraps her arms around Olivia's neck.

"Don't thank me either. I'll go wherever you want to go."

Alex plants a tender kiss on Olivia's lips.

Although she's afraid.

She believes her.


	9. Explanation

After Alex picks the kids up from school they all head home.

When Olivia gets back after their afternoon snack they're going to sit down and talk about everything.

Alex is already dreading it.

She looks in the rear-view mirror to see Noah playing happily with Claire who's trying to get the jingling bells from him.

Hannah is half asleep in the backseat with her head against the car window.

Alex smiles slightly.

She then turns to Elijah who's in the passenger seat.

He's got his nose stuck in a science book as usual.

For a few moments she almost forgets that she's about to uproot them to a place they've never been and introduce them to people they've never met but share a biological relation to.

...

"Alex honey?" Olivia calls as she steps through the doorway.

"In the kitchen." Alex shouts back.

Olivia enters the kitchen to see 4 of their children enjoying an afternoon snack of cut up melons.

She smiles as she walks over and kisses Alex's cheek.

"Hi mom." Hannah and Noah say in unison.

Elijah grunts in his mothers direction.

"Hey. How was school?"

"I had a math test." Hannah groans.

"Yeah and I learnt that Penicillin is made out of mould." Noah states proudly with a large, childish grin on his face.

Olivia ruffles Noah's hair and Claire laughs at him.

"Elijah?" Olivia asks her silent son.

"It was okay."He shrugs.

Olivia frowns but doesn't push further.

"Where's Beth?" Olivia asks.

"In her room." Alex says bluntly as she runs the tap so that she can rinse the now melon free plate.

Olivia comes up and caresses Alex's shoulder.

Alex turns to her and kisses her softly.

Then they both smile.

"I'll go get Beth. You round up the other kids." Olivia smiles and winks.

Alex nods before beginning to hunt down the others.

Soon enough they're all assembled in the living room.

Alex and Olivia are both on the smaller couch facing the children who are on the opposite larger couch.

Claire is occupied playing with her blocks.

The children already know that something is up.

They can tell by the looks on Alex and Olivia's faces.

"The other day somebody came to visit..." Alex starts.

"Do you remember? You answered the door Hannah."

Hannah nods her head curiously.

Olivia squeezes Alex's thigh reassuringly.

"Well that was mommy's sister. Your aunty Catherine." Olivia continues.

Elijah and Beth frown while Hannah and Noah just stare wide eyed.

"You mean the one from the stories mommy tells us?" Noah asks inquisitively.

"Yes." Alex states simply.

"What'd she want?" Beth sniffles before blowing her nose.

Alex looks to Olivia worried.

She's not sure she knows how to explain.

The children had never met Alex's sister or her parents so this was already enough to take in.

"Well when mommy and I left California we left our parents and siblings as well."

"Why'd you leave?" Hannah asks innocently.

Alex's feels hot tears coming to her eyes so she gets off the couch and leaves to go sit outside like she usually does when she's upset.

4 curious sets of eyes follow her until her body is gone from the room; they then turn back to Olivia.

"We left because we weren't happy." Olivia says.

Noah opens his mouth slightly as he's about to ask why but he quickly shuts it again when Olivia narrows her eyes indicating that it's none of his business.

"Anyway...When Catherine came to the house the other day she spoke to mommy about some things that had been happening back in California. Someone back in California is very sick and so your aunty Catherine came to ask your mother and me for some help. She asked us to move back to California."

4 mouths dropped open angrily.

"What!" Beth shouts.

"Beth." Olivia cautions.

"No mom. I'm NOT moving. I like it here."

"Me too." Say Hannah and Noah in unison.

Beth glares at them for interrupting her.

"I have friends at school." Beth whines.

Olivia shoots her a glare.

"A school that you haven't even been going to I might add."

Beth's eyes go wide in astonishment.

"Your mother got a call this afternoon saying that you hadn't been at school so you don't really have a say in the matter."

Beth stomps her foot and storms of angrily.

Olivia calls after her but she only gets the sound of Beth's slamming door.

"I don't want to move mom." Hannah whispers.

"Hannah bear. It's okay. You can go to a new school and make new friends and we can still call your old ones."

"What about soccer?" Noah asks.

"There's soccer in California. Scooter would have a bigger backyard too. Maybe we could even get another dog." Olivia suggests.

At this Noah smiles.

"Really?" Hannah asks as she lifts her head up.

"Really. More room for Brady too."

Hannah smiles.

"So are you guys in?" Olivia asks.

"I'm going to miss it here but yeah." Noah smiles as he and Hannah high five Olivia.

"Good kids. Now go and bring Oreo and Patches inside please."

Olivia turns to Elijah who hasn't said a word.

"Lijah'?" She asks.

Elijah looks up angrily.

"This family's fucked up." He states before leaving.

"Language!" Olivia shouts after him.

She then puts her head in her hands and runs her fingers through her hair.

"We've got half the team." She whispers to herself.

Then Olivia looks up at Claire who seems oblivious to the tension in the air around her.

Olivia smiles and goes to pick her up and give her a hug.

"How about you little miss? Do want to move to California?"

Claire smiles at her mother before handing her a red block.

'"I'm not sure either..." Olivia sighs.


	10. Death in the family

Alex sat in the backyard with Scooter sitting at her legs.

She felt bad for leaving Olivia to deal with the matter but she couldn't get it out of her head.

Sometimes she thought that it would just be easier to tell them what had happened.

She'd warned them of stranger danger and inappropriate touching but never anything like what happened to her.

Noah and Hannah were far too young to know the truth.

Whenever they'd asked her before she'd just said the same thing.

That they weren't happy.

Until now it'd seemed a good enough answer for all but now Beth and Elijah were getting older.

They deserved to know the truth.

Didn't they?

Alex's thoughts were interrupted by Olivia sliding the back door open.

She had a weakened smile on her face as she sat next to Alex with Claire in-between them.

"Sorry." Alex whispered.

"No. Don't be. You did just what you were meant to do." Olivia smiled placing her hand on Alex's.

"What's the verdict?" Alex asked hopeful.

Olivia sighed before slumping slightly in her chair.

"Hannah and Noah are in because I told Noah there was still soccer and that Scooter would have more room. Hannah agreed on the sole basis that that's the kind of kid she is. She just likes to test the waters first. They'll be fine Lex'. Don't worry about it."

"What about Beth and Elijah?"

"Neither of them wants to go. I told Beth we knew about her skipping school so that's her choice gone. Then Elijah...I don't know. He's just...Elijah."

They both sighed knowing what Olivia meant.

Elijah had always been different.

He was the only one who seemed to care about how he was brought into the world.

Maybe Hannah and Noah would in time but they always seemed okay with it.

Elijah just thought into allot of things too much.

He had allot of traits that they couldn't really attribute to anyone else in the family...

He got into fights with everyone.

Hitting people, lashing out, throwing things and breaking his and other people's bones.

He hadn't always been like that though.

It really started when he was 10.

One day he just decided that he wasn't happy with anyone.

That's why he reads all the books he does.

To try and figure himself out.

Olivia knew part of the feeling...

The women sat there in silence for a long time watching Claire and Scooter play.

Sometimes they wished they were Claire.

Everything seemed so easy for her.

She falls down, she gets back up.

Someone doesn't want to play with her, so she finds someone else who will.

One piece doesn't fit so she just keeps trying.

Suddenly an eerie shriek filled the household.

Claire looked up for a quick moment concern on her tiny angelic features before returning to play.

Alex and Olivia bolted through the door and upstairs to Beth's room.

Everyone was at the doorway now.

Beth just lay crying on the floor.

"Beth honey?" Alex cooed as she dared walk over to her.

Beth looked up teary eyed.

"He's dead!" She screamed.

Alex jumped slightly.

"Romeo's dead..." She cried.

Sure enough the bird cage was empty.

In Beth's lap she clutched the tiny, limp body of a once beautiful custard yellow love bird.

"Oh honey." Alex cooed as she took Beth into her arms.

Beth had had Romeo for 3 years.

They got him when he was just a tiny one.

Alex was about to say that they could get another one when they moved but she realised that now was not the time.

Olivia quietly ushered the other children away before going to get Claire.

Eventually Beth stopped crying and dried her eyes.

Alex just held her there.

They hadn't really been this close since Beth's younger years.

It was sort of nice for Alex.

"I want to bury him." Beth states suddenly.

"Sure honey. I'll get you a box and we can bury him in the backyard.

"No."

Alex looks puzzled.

"At the new house. It'll be nicer there won't it?"

Alex mustered a weak smile.

"Sure honey. We can bury him under one of the big pine trees."

Beth smiled.

Alex finally felt as though she'd said something right.


	11. Fresh start

_Roughly one week later..._

"Olivia! Where'd you put the kitchen ware!" Alex shouted up the stairs.

"Already in the van!"

Alex was nervous.

Today was the big day.

They were going to drive to California.

Catherine would meet them at the house.

"_Everything's been set up." _She'd said on the phone.

That didn't really make Alex any more comfortable.

It was like her first trip to California all over again.

Elijah who was still neglecting to move had kept his iPod in all week.

Beth had been in mourning over Romeo's death.

The only person who seemed really happy about moving was Claire.

She liked the car rides.

Soon enough Alex was strapping Claire into the car seat and Herding Hannah and Noah into the back of the van.

Beth and Olivia were going in the moving truck so that Olivia could talk to Beth about her absences so it was just Alex and the rest of the kids.

...

"Mom! Mom! Turn it up!" Hannah squealed in the backseat.

"Shut up Hannah!" Elijah growled.

Alex scowled at him before turning the radio up.

"I wake up every evening with a big smile on my face and it never feels out of place. And you're still probably working at a nine to five pace. I wonder how bad that tastes." Hannah sings with the radio.

Alex taps her fingers in anticipation of the chorus.

"When you see my face hope it gives you hell. When you walk my way hope it gives you hell. Hope it gives you hell!" Alex, Hannah and Noah sing loudly.

Alex frowns at Elijah again as Hannah and Noah sing the next verse.

"What's wrong Lijah'?" Alex asks her son.

Elijah briefly glances up from his book before putting his iPod in.

Alex only sighs and takes a few deep breaths.

He'll get over it.

...

"You've got to promise me that you're not going to skip school anymore." Olivia says sternly.

"I promise." Beth groans.

Olivia smiles slyly before reaching over with a hand to tickle Beth.

Beth squeals laughter.

"You sure you promise?" Olivia laughs.

"Yes. Yes! I promise!" Beth laughs.

"Good." Olivia says as she concentrates on driving again.

Beth straightens out her clothes as she smiles at her mother.

Even though they shared no DNA Beth felt herself Alex and Olivia's daughter more than she'd ever felt Cordelia's.

Sure Cordelia had birthed her but Alex and Olivia had _raised_ her, protected her.

She'd never actually met Cordelia but she'd spoken to her and seen photo's but as she got older it'd all stopped.

"Hey mom?"

"Yeah?"

"Do I have to call Cordelia mom if I meet her?"

Olivia was taken aback by the question.

"No..." She began cautiously.

"Not unless you'd like to."

"No. I just wanted to ask."

With that the conversation was done.

...

Almost there.

The kids were asleep in the backseat while Elijah was drooling down his arm.

Alex smiled to herself.

She was confident that everything would be okay.


	12. Surprises

They turned off the road to see large pine trees.

They were here.

Alex watched the house appear through the trees and her breath hitched in the back of her throat.

"It'll be okay." She whispered to herself.

She stopped the car and peered through the windshield at the house she'd left 15 years agoi.

It'd barely changed.

A new coat of paint, a love seat underneath the oak tree out front and maybe an extra few rooms out the back but it was still the same.

Then there she was.

The raven haired girl that's been in her house only days ago.

Catherine waved happily at Alex.

Alex waved back just as Olivia pulled into the driveway.

"Kids..." Alex whispered as she shook Elijah.

"We're here."

Some yawns were stifled in the back as Alex stepped out of the car and took Claire out of her car seat.

Claire still sleepy just lay limp and heavy in Alex's arms.

Alex softly kissed her head as Olivia and Beth got out of the car.

"Oh Alex!" Catherine smiled as she hugged Alex.

"Hey sis'." Alex smiled.

"Just in time for lunch." Catherine said cheerily.

"Ooh yum!" Olivia laughed.

"Come inside. Meet the gang." Catherine smiled as she headed back inside.

"Gang?" Alex and Olivia said puzzled in unison.

Catherine didn't hear them.

...

When they got inside the house Alex gasped.

The same expensive taste as always.

The house looked much nicer than when they'd left.

Designer rugs, statuesque sculptures and freshly varnished mahogany in the staircase.

The kitchen had been turned into a dining room.

That was where everyone was.

The brightly sunlit room was beautiful.

The table was set for 11.

"Alex darling I'd like you to meet my boys." Catherine smiled as she ushered to nicely dressed boys in front of Alex."

Alex held back a gasp as two raven haired, blue eyed boys were pushed in front of her.

Their big, polite grins were unsettling.

"These are my sons. This is Zachary. He's 6 and this is Xavier. Xavier is 4. Say hello boys."

The boys said hello but Alex was too astonished to say anything.

She had nephews!

Catherine had children!

Alex stuttered for a few moments before looking to Catherine.

"Who's the father?" It'd come out harsher than intended but if so Catherine hadn't noticed.

"I...I thought you knew. Tom's the father. After you left we got married."

Alex felt as though she was about to faint.

Her sister had married the boy who'd assaulted her behind the bleachers 15 years ago.

The boy she was meant to marry.

Olivia thankfully saw Alex's distress and so stepped in.

"Hi boys. I'm Olivia." She smiled.

"Hello aunty Livia'." The boys smiled.

"Aunty? I like these boys already." She laughed as she tousled Zachary's hair.

"Come. Sit. Enjoy lunch. I'll show you to your rooms afterward." Catherine smiled.

Alex sat Claire in the highchair before seating the other children and placing napkins on their laps.

She hated to admit it but compared to Zachary and Xavier her children were animlas.

Of course that's not what she actually thought of them but she knew that's what Catherine would think.

That's how they were brought up.

When Alex seated herself Olivia put a reassuring hand on her thigh.

"So. Will Tom be joining us?" Olivia asked trying to be pleasant.

"Oh yes in a little while. He's busy in the study you see." Catherine smiled.

...

Just as Alex took the first bite of her pasta Tom walked in.

"Sorry I'm late." Tom said sincerely as he kissed Catherine softly and tousled the boys hair.

Alex almost choked on her food when he came over and kissed her cheek.

"How are you Alex dear? Olivia?" He said as he shook Olivia's hand.

What was his problem!

Tom smiled at the children as he took a seat.

When Alex swallowed her mouthful she motioned to the children.

"These are our children. Beth, Elijah, Hannah, Noah and Claire."

"Wonderful." He said as he dug in to his pasta.

"Just wonderful."


	13. Not so bad

Each step Alex took up the stairs seemed to put a more intense burning feeling in her gut.

Her eyes stayed on the floor, memorising each step as though it may be her last.

When they reached the top Olivia stood and watched Alex for a few moments before taking the slender, alabaster hand in her own softly.

This quite literally was a big step for Alex.

Having not seen the house for 15 years she was in no rush to see it again.

15 years since Beth came into their arms, 14 since they were blessed with a dark haired Elijah; in the years that followed they were given beautiful Hannah, fearless Noah and gorgeous little Claire.

15 years since Alex's terrible childhood had needed to be remembered; now it all came back like she someday knew it would.

Alex looked up into Olivia's chocolate brown eyes with hesitation, and then the dark haired woman's smile encouraged her to make that last step.

Her feet hit the floor and suddenly the burning had gone, nothing but numbness subsided over her.

When she lifted her head the memories didn't bombard her like she believed they would.

They never came, they were waiting, waiting to terrorise her in her dreams.

"We renovated the house a few months ago so now there's an extra 2 bathrooms upstairs and 2 downstairs, we also added extra rooms when the boys were born so now the house is more than equipped to handle the 12 of us." Catherine smiled as she headed down the hall.

For a moment Alex only stared at the door to her old room glad that Catherine had skipped it.

When Olivia lightly tugged Alex's hand she began to follow the 2 women down the hall.

Catherine pushed open a dark wooden door at the halls end to reveal a beautiful white and blue schemed master bedroom with a newly furbished unsuit.

Olivia gasped and placed an olive hand over her mouth before stepping inside.

Catherine laughed.

"I hoped you'd like it. I wasn't sure what colours to use so I went off what I remember Alex liking when we were children."

"It's beautiful." Olivia smiled.

Alex smiled slightly, liking the room but still feeling uneasy in the house.

"That's not even the best part. All the kids have their own rooms." Catherine smiled.

Olivia sighed in comfort as her and Alex were lead to room after room down the long hall.

Diagonal to their room was Tom and Catherine's.

The boy's rooms were next to each others as were the girls.

Zachary and Xavier shared a room with bunks which also had a bed on the opposite side for when they had friends stay.

...

The children explored the premises intently thoroughly liking what they saw as the movers began haling things upstairs.

For now Alex was just content in unpacking all their clothes and placing them in the walk in wardrobe.

Olivia had taken a job in a mechanics just out of town where as Alex had decided to stop working for a while.

She felt as though Claire spent too much time in day care and secretly she didn't feel as though she'd be able to handle work with what stresses she was sure to endure in the house.

Even the animals seemed to be settling in nicely.

Scooter had found himself a nice, sunny spot on the porch on which he could sleep without being pestered by young boys.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.

...

Hannah picked up Brady and stroked his scaled skin as he made a noise much like groaning.

"There there Brady." Hannah cooed.

She opened her window and peered out over the yard.

A cool, blue pool resided at the side of the house and towards the back end was just tree's.

That presented a perfect environment for exploring.

Exploring was what Hannah liked best.

Well...aside from animals, microscopes and mechanics.

Hannah placed Brady in his tank before wandering downstairs and through the kitchen.

Beth was sitting on a stool near the bench crunching on an apple.

Hannah merely nodded to her before exiting through the back porch.

Her brother Noah and cousins Xavier and Zachary were climbing the jungle gym while Catherine and Alex watched from a distance.

Claire was sitting happily on Alex's lap as Hannah descended the final steps through the trees that would lead her on an adventure.

Meanwhile Elijah was sitting in his room reading a book about terrariums and how to make them.

He intended to make one small enough to sit on his window while still maintaining its own working eco-system.

Patches and Oreo were never really his idea of a pet.

Like Beth he'd much rather a snake or bird eating spider.

His mother Alex wasn't as keen on the idea.

"Elijah? Sweetie?"

Elijah turned around to see his mother Olivia standing in his doorway against the frame.

"Do you like your new room?" Olivia asked as she glanced around the dark blue, book strewn room.

Elijah shrugged as Blackie pounced onto his bed and made herself comfortable.

He felt overwhelmed.

He had enough trouble coping with the family he already had.

"Well get your room sorted soon Lijah'." Olivia smiled as she left him with Blackie.

He despised pet names.


	14. Dream

Alex watched her newly found nephews play with Noah.

From a distance they looked as though they could be brothers.

All close in age, all with dark hair and all just as rambunctious as the next.

Noah's dark brown curls bobbed on his head as he chased Xavier down the jungle gym slide, Zachary climbed effortlessly over the rope wall to meet them.

"Hannah! Don't go too far!" Alex shouted at her daughter when she saw how close to the woods she was getting.

Hannah didn't appear to have heard so Alex hoisted Claire onto her hip and went to get her but was stopped by Catherine's soft hand against her own.

"Let her explore. She'll be alright." Catherine reassured.

Alex hesitated anxiously looking from Catherine to Hannah before sitting back down and bouncing Claire on her lap.

Claire smiled happily as she snuggled into Alex's chest.

"When do you think you'll be ready?" Catherine asked as she too stared at the boys.

"What?" Alex asked as she turned to her sister.

"To see mom?" Catherine laughed.

Alex gulped.

She'd almost forgotten that was why they were here.

"Um...I honestly don't know." Alex whispered.

Catherine sighed.

"It'll be okay Alex." Catherine said placing a reassuring hand on her sisters.

Alex wasn't so sure.

...

The trees became thicker and the smell of pine became stronger as Hannah ventured further.

She turned around momentarily to discover that she couldn't see the porch anymore.

Hannah wondered whether or not to turn back before either of her mother's became worried but that idea was thrown out the window when she saw a glitter in the distance.

She ran through the trees until she reached a slightly less clustered thicket.

The sun shone through the gaps in the trees illuminating a path of glittering light.

It seemed magical.

Far from anything Hannah had ever imagined.

It was then and there that she decided that this would be her secret place.

Hers and hers alone.

"Hannah! Hannah where are you!" A frantic voice called from the trees.

Hannah hesitated before running as close to the voice as she could.

She couldn't risk anyone else knowing about her secret place.

She turned only briefly to see it disappearing behind the trees but when she turned back she was greeted by a worried faced Olivia who quickly gathered Hannah in her arms.

"What were you thinking? Your mother told you not to wander too far." Olivia whispered as she pulled Hannah closer and stroked her hair.

"Sorry mom. I won't do it again." Hannah promised.

...

"Hannah!" Alex yelled as she ran to meet her daughter and wife at the edge of the trees.

"Sorry mom." Hannah whispered.

"Oh sweetie I was so worried. You were gone almost 2 hours."

Hannah was shocked.

Didn't realise she was gone so long.

"Come inside. She's safe. Let's call it a day." Catherine called from an illuminated doorway.

Alex took Hannah's hand as they all made their way inside.

...

Beth snuggled under the covers and sighed as she gazed through her still open drapes that revealed a starlit sky.

Tomorrow everything would be set into motion.

They all started at their new private school, Alex would no doubt try and find Beth's birth mother while trying to deal with her own, Olivia would start work and everything would change.

Beth prayed that this was all just some crazy dream.


	15. The boy

"Beth! You can't wear fishnets under your skirt!" Alex shouted up the stairs to her daughter.

"But..."Beth began.

"Listen to your mother!" Olivia countered as she tied Noah's new shoes for him.

Blazers, skirts and trousers abound as all the children but Claire got ready for the first day in a new week.

"Zachary, Xavier. I have your lunch on the counter. Have a wonderful day." Catherine called as she left the house for work.

"Bye mom." They cried in unison before packing the rest of their schoolwork.

Alex stared at them oddly.

If only her children were that organised.

The bus would be there in 15 minutes and her children hadn't even packed their bags yet.

Then as if by miracle they all descended down the stairs in single file.

First Noah in his black slacks and blazer with a red tie, his dark brown curls falling sweetly across his head, second fair, wispy haired Hannah in a black pleated skirt and buttoned blazer with her hair tied high in a ponytail.

They stood glumly at the foot of the stairs as the older two followed.

Elijah had cleaned his glasses and slicked back his brown messy hair.

He looked like a proper gentlemen Alex thought.

Beth stood tall with her flaming hair straightened and hanging down beautifully as she buttoned half her blazer, straightened her tie and fixed her skirt and stockings.

Alex walked past and kissed each of them on the head before Olivia handed them there lunches.

Then the sound of a horn came from the front road and the 6 children waved goodbye and headed to the bus.

Alex squeezed Olivia's hand seeking reassurance that it was sure to give.

Olivia kissed her temple as she watched the children get onto the bus from the porch.

Scooter sat by the gate watching the bus disappear through the trees.

Surely he was just as worried.

...

Beth stepped onto the bus and tossed the hair from her shoulder slightly while looking for an empty seat.

She saw one by the window and so she slung her backpack onto a shoulder and walked with ease down the isle until she plonked herself down on it comfortably.

Her siblings had all taken seats closer to the front.

Hannah and Noah had sat together while Elijah had taken a spot next to a girl with her iPod in.

Beth followed suit and slid hers into her ears before beginning to gaze out the window.

Before she knew it she'd dozed off...

"Hey...Wake up." Someone laughed as Beth groaned a little and opened her eyes.

She took out her earphones as she looked up into the bluest eyes she's ever seen.

"School hasn't even started yet newbie. How are you gonna make it through the day?" The boy laughed shaking his dark brown hair.

Beth laughed too and took the hand he offered her.

"Thanks..." She muttered embarrassed.

"No problem."He smiled flashing a set of pearly whites.

Beth mustered up enough focus to grab her bag and sling it over her shoulder as the boy got off the bus and handed a blonde girl with glasses something from his bag.

Beth sighed.

Probably his girlfriend.

...

Noah pushed his way through the halls to find his locker with Hannah close behind.

"How do you know where we're going!" Hannah shouted at him over the noise of teenagers catching up.

"I just do." He shrugged as he pulled his big sisters wrist through the croud and o the empty space beside the wall.

"Your lockers just there." He smiled cheekily.

"H.."

Noah held up a map and laughed.

"The numbers on the doors have been telling me." He stated simply.

Hannah ruffled his hair before saying goodbye to him and opening her locker.

Soon the bell had gone for homeroom and the corridors were even pushier than before.

Elijah shoved his bag into his locker and grabbed the books for his first class.

While attempting to put his lock back in place he dropped his history textbook on his foot.

"Fuck." He cursed under his breath.

"Lijah'!" Someone called.

He turned around to see his sister Beth pushing her way towards him.

"Do you have a map?" She asked.

"What happened to yours?" He scowled.

"Never had one. I used Noah's." She shrugged with a slight smile tugging at her lips.

"Take this one. Now get to class." Elijah urged as he handed her the map.

"Thanks Bro." Beth smiled as she gave him a one armed hug.

"Whatever." He whispered as she pranced off.

...

Beth stumbled into her homeroom slightly late earning a slightly disapproving look from the teacher.

However the look soon turned to a pleasant smile as the young, blonde haired woman rose.

"You must be miss Benson." She smiled.

"Beth." She said timidly as the teacher placed a soft hand on her forearm.

"Nice to meet you. I'm your homeroom teacher miss Quilette."

Beth nodded before following miss Quilette to her desk.

"Everyone...everyone! Attention please." Miss Quilette clapped.

Slowly heads turned and the chatter stopped.

All eyes were on Beth.

"Everyone this is Beth. She's new here and I'd like you all to make sure that she feels welcome."

Beth smiled timidly for a moment before flipping her hair and putting on her gorgeous smile.

She tried to keep her focus on the back wall for fear of getting nervous.

A few of the guys were staring at her in a way most usually did.

"So...Beth tell us about yourself." Miss Quilette smiled.

"Uh...What kind of stuff?" Beth asked.

"Anything." Miss Quilette smiled patiently.

"Well I um...I just moved here." She shrugged earning a laugh from the class.

"I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers, 3 of which go to this school. I like music and we um...have a lot of animals." She shrugged with a smile.

"That'll do Beth." Miss Quilette smiled.

Beth smiled back and took her books from miss Quilette's desk before proceeding to the only empty desk at the back of the room.

"Stalker much?" The boy next to her laughed making her jump.

She looked over to see the boy who had woken her on the bus.

His pearly whites flashing a gorgeous smile in her direction.

She sat down as gracefully as possible.

"Perhaps it's you stalking me." She smiled.

"My school...so maybe." He laughed.

Beth couldn't help but feel a little more at ease in making a new friend.

"I'm..."

"Beth. I know. I _was_ actually paying attention." He laughed.

Beth blushed furiously.

"Don't sweat it Beth. I'm Richard but my mates call me Dickie."

"Cute." She laughed.

"Richard what?"

"Richard Stabler."


	16. Empty days

Catherine sat at her desk, rubbing her temples in frustration.

She hated having to leave the boys so early in the morning and not returning till late at night.

She was a horrible mother; however that was the price she had to pay in order not to leave them for good.

Surely this was the better option?

She knew now that marrying Tom was a mistake.

But what other choice did she have?

As much as she loves Zachary and Xavier she never wanted them.

Even now if she could go back and do it over she never would have had them.

They were what tied her down.

She was ready to leave when she got pregnant with Zachary.

However fate stepped in the way and now here she was.

In an abusive marriage with 2 children she loved but did not want and in a job she hated.

Hell on earth.

...

Beth made her way from class to class with the help of Dickie and soon enough it was time for lunch.

"Come hang with us." Dickie smiled at Beth with the casual wave of his hand.

Beth smiled, nodded and took his outstretched hand.

Together they ran through the corridors until they reached a lush, green oval on which many people were gathered in a circle sharing food and drink.

"Everyone, this is Beth." Dickie smiled as he plonked himself down on the grass.

Beth sat next to him casually while opening her chips.

She noticed that the blonde, glasses wearing girl was there and instantly felt jealous.

Dickie's friends soon began to introduce themselves.

A boy with shaggy black hair whom was eating an apple introduced himself as Walter while a tall chestnut haired girl with a long braid introduced herself as Erin.

Soon they reached the blonde, glasses wearing girl.

She seemed shy and timid.

"I'm Lizzie, Dickie's twin sister." She smiled.

Beth almost choked on her chips before beginning to blush profusely.

"What's wrong Beth?" Dickie asked concerned.

"I...I just thought..." She began before going an even deeper shade of red.

Dickie caught what she meant before looking at Lizzie and beginning to laugh.

Soon Beth got over being shy and laughed with them.

By the time they'd pulled themselves together 2 older looking dirty blonde haired girls were walking their way.

Dickie stood to greet them before introducing them as his older sisters Maureen whom was a year 12 and Kathleen who was a year 11.

They both smiled at Beth politely before resuming a conversation with Dickie.

"What classes do you have?" Erin asked while taking Beth's timetable.

"You're not in any of mine." Lizzie frowned.

"But you're in like 4 of mine." Erin smiled.

Beth smiled back slightly relieved that the girl seemed to like her.

"You're in mine and Dickie's P.E class too." Walter said.

Beth groaned.

She hated P.E!

...

Alex sat on the sun streaked lawn with Claire toddling not far away.

She was slightly relieved that that all the children went to the same school.

It meant that they were never alone.

Xavier was in a pre-ed class that was aimed in preparing them for prep.

Claire would be old enough to go next year which was slightly frightening.

Claire was their little girl; the 3 years since she'd been born seemed over in a flash.

She was growing up so fast.

Zachary was in grade 1 and doing wonderfully.

Young Noah was in grade 3 doing just as well.

Hannah was enjoying grade 6 with all its excitement of almost being in high school.

Elijah staying quiet in year 9 and Beth in year 10 just as popular as ever.

Alex sighed as she guided Claire down the slide as she smiled.

Scooter barked at her playfully while wagging his tail in the air.

Patches and Oreo were happily hopping around the yard trying the new grass while Blackie was off chasing birds somewhere.

Olivia had left earlier in the day in order to start her first day at work so now it was just Alex, Claire and Tom whom worked from home.

He still frightened her.

Having not yet encountered him by herself she'd made sure to keep clear of the study during the time she'd been inside.

Yet now here she was preparing to head inside with Claire so that some lunch could be made.

By next week Claire would be back in kindergarten and Alex would be mostly by herself during the day.

...

Alex stood in the kitchen cutting Claire's ham and cheese sandwiches into neat triangles while considering what would happen next.

She needed to drop by Cory's old house, surely her parents would at least still live there?

Then she needed to face her own mother who was lying sick in the hospital.

She wasn't sure if she could handle either of them.

She didn't even have the courage to open her old bedroom door yet.

Alex sighed before carrying the sandwiches into the other room and giving them to Claire who waited for them in her high chair.

She watched Claire take a few bites before kissing her head and heading back into the kitchen.

That was where she encountered Tom.


	17. Not just yet

Olivia's hands tinkered beneath an old white corolla. The car was a piece of shit, she felt sorry for its elderly owner but a job was a job. Her new boss was ace. His name was Malcolm and the two had become instant peas in a pod. She was so glad he was willing to take her on at such short notice, apparently they'd just lost a mechanic to deportation and so he'd decided to hire someone with no risk of that.

"Hello?" A rough voice came from just outside the shed.

"Just a sec!" Olivia called from beneath the car.

Olivia put the welder down and slid from under the car with a push of her feet. She lifted the welders mask from her face and pulled herself to her feet. In greasy overalls and steel capped boots, Olivia looked a right mess. Grease lay upon her cheeks, accompanied by a light scratch and a mess of tangled brown hair tied messily in a ponytail. In front of her stood a rather large man with a fuzz of dark brown hair and slight stubble.

"What can I do for you?" Olivia smiled as she walked towards him, wiping her greasy hands on a rag.

"I just brought the company car in for a check over, they all get done here." He smiled with a toothy grin and motioned to the shiny black sedan behind him.

"That's a cop car." Olivia looked questionably.

"That it is, observant eye you've got..." He trailed off, unaware of her name.

"Olivia Benson." She smiled.

"I just moved her about two days ago." Olivia smiled as she offered her hand to shake.

"Detective Stabler but you can call me Elliot." He smiled as he took her hand and shook it firmly.

They both released hands and Olivia walked off to write him in the books.

"Drive it into that next spot and I'll take a look at it now." She smiled with a nod towards the empty spot next to the corolla.

"Will do." He smiled as he jumped into the driver's side and ignited the engine.

...

"Alex." Tom chirruped as he moved towards the kettle and began to make some coffee.

Alex stood still in the kitchen's doorway. As much as she tried to still it her arms began to shake and so she rubbed her hands over them, her arms across her chest in a protective manor.

"Would you like a drink?" He asked as he held up a cup.

Alex's mouth opened to say something but nothing came out and so despite her better judgement she nodded. If anything it was so that he couldn't accuse her of being rude and cause a fight. Moments passed with only the kettles low and bubbling hum to fill the silence between them before he handed her a cup of tea.

"I made it the way I make Cate's, I hope that's okay." He smiled as he took a sip of his own.

Alex relaxed slightly, maybe he had changed? She picked a spot where she could comfortably lean against the bench and sip her drink.

"It was nice of you to come back, Cate, as much as she may hate to admit it, has missed you terribly." Tom said offhandedly.

The sentiment should have pleased Alex but it only helped to make her uneasy, and when did her sister begin to like being called Cate? She used to hate it.

"I didn't do it for her." Alex said, more bitterly than intended.

At the conclusion of her sentence, before Tom could reply, Claire's soft wails resounded from the next room and before Alex could move, Tom was by the door.

"I'll take care of it." He smiled.

Alex paused momentarily. She listened intently to the sound of Claire's plate being moved and placed on the dining room table. Then the sound of the plastic table being removed. Shortly after that the sound of Claire's highchair clip that buckled her in. At first this didn't bother Alex, maybe the realisation didn't kick in until he saw them together, Claire in his arms gurgling happily as he stroked her hair.

"It's time for her to have a nap." Alex said unsteadily, the words could not have come out quick enough.

She took Claire from his arms almost forcefully and held the child tightly to her chest, near smothering her. Claire, obviously sensing her mother's distress, began to wail as Alex hurriedly exited the room and ran up the stairs. When she made it to the top she near flung herself against the wall, scolding herself for how on edge she was. It had been 15 years, surely Tom had changed. With an exasperated sigh she rubbed Claire's back in an effort to calm her down, in the event of Alex's slowing heartbeat which gradually became steady, Claire calmed down.

"I'm sorry baby." She whispered as she stroked the thin hair residing on her youngest daughter's head.

She moved away from the wall slowly and walked to the room her and Olivia shared, she was glad that Catherine had had the sense to place a crib both in Claire's own room and in theirs. Alex wasn't quite ready to admit that although Claire was ready for her own room, Alex wasn't ready to have her that far away.


	18. Our regrets

Catherine pulled her black Mercedes into the driveway smoothly, opening the garage with its remote and turning off the headlights. As she killed the engine her world filled with silence. She sighed, falling back against her seat. She was exhausted; it was a miracle if she ever made it home before nine o'clock. Most often the first to arrive at work and also more often than not the last to leave. She hadn't put her children to bed since they were around one year olds. Even when they were sick she would just call a stay in sitter to take them. Part of her truly loathed them. Her own flesh and blood and she despised them even more than Tom. He had wanted her to get rid of them the minute she had found out she was pregnant, she had wanted to also but found quite quickly that she couldn't bear it. She couldn't have that price on her head. She remembered his fury with her. It stayed prevalent until they had found out Zachary's sex. It was only then that Tom had begun to fancy the idea of a strong male son. It had been the same story with Xavier. God help her if she fell pregnant again and it was a girl. Catherine feared for her unconceived, unborn daughter more than she feared for herself. Though she knew that if those circumstances were to arise that she probably wouldn't have time to fear for the child or for herself, she would be gone before that could ever happen. The silence was broken by the side door that leads to the house opened. It was Tom.

"Fuck..." She mumbled as she quickly straightened out her clothes and hair.

Tom opened the door for her and she stepped out, her black heels clicking against the cement as she did so. He shut the door behind her and she clicked the car locked before turning to him, feeling his scrutineering gaze upon her.

"You got home ten minutes ago, what the fuck were you doing out here?"

"Nothing..." Catherine sighed as she turned her head from him and smoothed it over her hair.

He took her wrist in his grip and pushed her against the car, her spine slamming against it.

"Fuck Thomas!" She almost yelped.

"Just because your sister and her fucking family are here doesn't mean I will let you be a fucking bitch without punishment." He sneered.

Tom shoved her back one last time before he left her standing there in the cold garage air. She'd be lying if the thought of her protection resting in Alex's return hadn't crossed her mind at least once. Why she had ever fancied its truth she would never know.

...

Alex lay in bed, fully clothed with Claire lying softly asleep next to her. She trailed her slender finger from the tip of Claire's nose, across the curve of her lips and down her chest before placing her hand flat across the steady heartbeat. It sounded nothing like it had the first time she had ever heard it. During the ultrasound it had sounded just like a normal baby's, a train would be the best way to describe it. It was like her baby Claire (then called squiglet) was so excited to get out that she was filling her body with energy so that she could age to seven or eight within a day of being alive. Alex was glad that this had not been the case, for looking at Claire now, being only a few weeks older than three, had already grown up too fast; just like her four other children.

"Lex?" Olivia asked as she emerged from the ensuit, steam billowing out the door and into the dimly lit room.

"Hey..." Alex whispered with a soft smile.

"Everything alright?" Olivia half smiled as she walked towards the dresser and found some underwear.

"More than." Alex whispered as her gaze shifted back to a slight saliva bubble on Claire's lip.

Olivia smiled to herself at the beauty that was them; she often paused to remember how lucky she was that things had turned out this way. They had both worked so far to achieve it. When Olivia had dressed she lay in bed on Claire's other side and covered Alex's hand with her own.

"Everything's going to be okay." She said, she could tell that Alex had something or many something's on her mind.

"Mm."

"Is it Tom?" Olivia furrowed.

Alex wasn't expecting Olivia to remember but then again she had told her the day that they had first kissed what had happened with Tom.

"No."

It was a blatant lie and she sensed that Olivia knew it. Olivia also knew that Alex was in no mood for her to press. Olivia rolled over, her back to Claire, not being able to ignore the hurt that she felt whenever Alex shut her out.

"I'm your wife Alex, not your enemy."


	19. Isolation

Weeks passed in virtual isolation for Alex; the rainy season had begun leaving her and everyone else stranded inside. When they were home that is. Claire was at kindergarten five days a week upon Catherine's insistence that Alex needed the time off. The children were all at school during the week and whenever they were home they all sat in their rooms, not daring to move around the house. Catherine worked every day of the week but Sunday, and then she spent most of her time cooped up in the study or in the den when it was empty late at night. Olivia was still blatantly mad at Alex for being so reserved and withdrawn, refusing to talk to her about anything; usually it would bother Alex but she couldn't muster the energy to care. She spent the weekdays when the house was void of all occupants except her and Tom, waiting for something bad to happen. She couldn't leave the house because of the thundering rain. She missed being able to photograph things in the sun; her children playing together, Claire's first steps, her first time seeing a butterfly, Noah playing with Scooter, Olivia and Hannah fixing the Torana and most of all, the rare moments where both Beth and Elijah could be caught reading books together under one of the tall trees. Alex felt as though she was going crazy in that house, not a day went by where she didn't catch herself staring at the door to her old room. It had lain unopened by anyone since her arrival. The children had all been told by Olivia not to enter it without explanation. Alex was unsure of how many times it had been entered in her fifteen year absence, she was sure quite a few but she was not ready to ask Catherine this question yet. She imagined its appearance in her head. Every time her father's face appeared. It was like he had become engrained in her mind, in her memory of that room. She wondered if any of her possessions still lay inside; the ones she had longed for after they had been readily forgotten on the night of her runaway. There were small trinkets and keepsakes that she found herself pining for but never enough to open that door. She was unsure whether anything would ever make her open that door. She was yet to talk to Catherine about a date on which Alex would make her journey to the hospital where she would face the mother that never was for the first time since her return. Alex dreaded this encounter also. Memories of her mother claiming that she had torn the family apart came flooding back all at once, giving her a terrible headache.

"Calm down Alex. She's just a woman." Alex whispered to herself.

"Nothing more."

Alex dressed slowly, pulling a soft pink sweater over her form, leaving her thick blonde hair loose over her shoulders, surely having tiny knots in it seeing as it hadn't been brushed yet. Sometimes Alex managed to delude herself into thinking that she was in the house alone, she avoided Tom at every move she made. She avoided walking past or around the study, she avoided being in the kitchen or dining room around his usual lunch hours and if she heard him in a room she would turn and head in the opposite direction. She felt childish for acting this way but she couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that he hadn't changed, but Catherine seemed happy enough with him; they had two beautiful, well educated little boys and a stable life from Alex's perception. She just couldn't shake the feeling. On the few rare occasions when they had come into contact alone after the day with Claire, Alex had tried to avoid any kind of conversation and when he became insistent, not letting her leave until an answer was had, Alex tried to restrict it to nodes or extremely short sentences. She declined his offers of tea or food until she sensed his irritation, in the event of which she hurriedly agreed, much to his satisfaction.

Alex's bare feet padded down the stairs as she slid her right hand along the polished mahogany banister. It was cold. The house was cold. Surely there was still heating. She had seen the vents in nearly every room. It was now that she searched almost every room in the house looking for its control centre. After 20 minutes she had checked every room voiding the bedrooms and bathroom's and last, but not least, the study in which Tom spent his days. Since her arrival she had not set a single toe in that study. She had never even glanced inside it. She hadn't seen it since her runaway. She remembered her father spending many hours inside it that long two years in which they all lived in California. He spent almost as much time in there as he had in her room. Alex stopped. Her thoughts, no matter how hard she tried to stop them, always wandered back to those years of her life. She couldn't shut him out. She couldn't help but feel his lingering touch on her skin, see his face both while she was conscious and unconscious. She had told Olivia that it didn't bother her anymore, that it was in the past. She wondered how true Olivia believed this statement to be. Alex regretted having not been able to move on, however hard she tried. She just couldn't shake the feelings that haunted her. While Beth, and each of her other children, excluding Claire, had been around the age of six, Alex found herself distancing from them. Despite having never had the urge to touch her children, she felt herself susceptible to doing something horrid to them, like it ran in her veins just as it may have Olivia's. Alex refused to ever let her, or anyone else harm her children. They were a part of her. Excluding Beth she had carried each of them in womb, loving them every second. Beth may has well have been the same. She loved each of them more than she could ever voice to anyone, even Olivia.

Alex hovered outside the study for almost twenty minutes. Her hand almost knocking at every pace.

"You're just asking about the heating." Alex sighed to herself before she turned to face the door.

Her knuckles hovered momentarily over the wood before they lay two sharp knocks upon its cold surface. A moment of silence.

"Come in." Tom's voice called, rather bluntly in fact; he clearly didn't like to be disturbed.

Alex hesitated for a moment; hear heart jumping slightly as she twisted the doors handle. At its release, the door opened and Alex leant against its frame, trying to steady herself. Her anxiety had made her quite light headed.

"Whatever you want, come in and ask for it, don't just hover in the doorway, you're letting the heat out." Tom snapped as he glanced to her and then back to his laptop.

Alex promptly came in and shut the door behind her, leaning back against it in an effort to stay away from him.

"Well what do you want, I'm busy." He chided.

"I... it's ah..." Alex stuttered.

"Speak up girl! I don't accept it from Cate and I won't accept it from you."

Alex took a moment to gather herself. Clearly he was still quite short tempered.

"The house is quite cold and I searched the other rooms for a place where I could turn on the heating but I was unable to find it." Alex said steadily.

"Of course you didn't. It's in here. I only turned the heating on in this room."

Alex closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"May I, or could you please turn it on in the other rooms. It's quite chilly in this house." Alex tried to ask as pleasantly as possible.

"In a moment, but for now, take a seat."

"I... really can't, I've got things to do."

Alex was lying, right through her teeth.

"I said." Tom began as he glanced towards her "Take a seat."

Alex saw the twinge of irritation in his eyes and so walked as steadily as she could to a large arm chair that resided in the corner of the room. She sat down and wrapped her arms around herself, feeling particularly uneasy in his presence. Moments passed with only the ticking of a clock to fill the silence. Tom sat at his desk, surrounded by books and papers with his laptop in front of him and reading glasses firmly seated upon his nose. Alex let her eyes wander around the study. It really hadn't changed a lot since it had been her father's. It contained only a few extra items, some more books and a new desk. It was then that her eyes wandered to Tom for a split second, his eyes caught hers and she looked away as quickly as she could. She cast her eyes to the ground where her right foot lay as though it suddenly held something interesting. She heard the sound of Tom's glasses being set upon the desk, his chair sliding out followed by his steady footfall towards the thermostat where he let heat into the rest of the house. What struck Alex as strange was the fact that she heard no further steps. Tom had not walked back to his desk. She fought the urge to look towards him as he stood, eyes cast upon her in an emotion she could not place. When she heard his footsteps once more they headed towards her instead of back to his desk. He loomed over her for a few moments, her eyes avoiding his gaze.

"Alexandra." He said steadily.

She moved her head to look up at him. His face stony and void of any expression. As he leant down towards her, she pushed herself back into the chair. His face came dreadfully close to hers but she turned her head to the side and shut her eyes tightly. His lips rested almost on her temple where she could feel his heated breath. Alex's own breath held as she felt him look her over before he trailed a finger from her hand, up her arm and wound itself around a piece of her hair.

"You're right to be afraid of me." He whispered.


	20. Unfinished buisness

Elijah had not yet adjusted to his new surroundings. He didn't like California, or this house, let alone the people in it. Things were even worse than they had been before. Nobody talked to each other, everyone just moved around the house like zombies. The only person who ever smiled anymore was Claire and that's because she didn't understand. Things were different at school though, at school there wasn't the same kind of weight all pressed upon them. Elijah knew that something in that house just wasn't right; it made people feel uneasy; even Claire grew more restless as time wore on. She sensed the change in Alex more than anyone, like she felt exactly how her blonde mother felt. Elijah watched the occupant's movements just as silently as everyone else, not daring bring to light the troubles that surrounded them. When people weren't working or at school they still hardly spoke let alone came into contact, it was like they were all in different time sequences. Alex and Olivia hardly spoke anymore, there was something going on between them; Elijah saw the defeated looks on both their faces, they even had a fight about the fact that Alex hadn't yet made the journey to the hospital to visit her mother. Beth started spending more and more time on the phone, careful to not let anyone hear her conversations, Hannah tried to rouse Olivia for a long time, sometimes it worked and other's not; in the end she just gave up and took to staring at Brady all day. Noah was the same with Scooter. It was too wet for soccer and fetch so they just moped inside watching the TV. Elijah spent the days in his room and nights in the den. Most nights it was empty but other's Catherine would come and join him. Neither ever said a word to each other, they just sat in silence, but they offered a comfort to each other, like they understood one another without even having to try.

"Elijah?" Catherine questioned one night.

It was the first time the silence had been broken between them. Talking was only done in the house if it was a necessity. Elijah didn't say anything; he instead looked up from his book towards the woman in the chair across from him.

"It's strange isn't it?" She said absentmindedly.

"You know what's wrong with my mother don't you." Elijah asked.

Catherine sighed and set down her mug of tea.

"That I do."

Elijah set down his book.

"She hated this house too, you know? And the people in it, at the beginning not so much I but she did grow a slight despise to me as time wore on; not that I didn't deserve it." Catherine shrugged.

Elijah was puzzled to hear this information.

"She doesn't talk about it." He said.

"She wouldn't." The raven haired woman countered.

"This house and everything in it represents a world, a life that your mother would like to forget. Our father, the bastard, would be rolling in his grave if he ever thought she would set a foot back into this house. I must admit I never once thought she would, let alone consider it. I think the only reason she did is because she's got some unfinished business with this house. She'd probably burn it to the ground if she could."

Catherine trailed off; Elijah just sat wide eyed, staring at her. What was she talking about? Catherine turned to look Elijah straight in the eyes.

"Don't hate her; don't hate either of them, any of them... Your mother, she's the glue to your family and she puts up with the lot of you, the lot of us. Be good to her, especially now. I hate to say it but you're mothers unwell... unbalanced... she needs someone to love her, needs you all to love her."

As Catherine's last word was uttered, she stood and left the room, leaving Elijah to sit in silence, contemplating the fact.


	21. Just peachy

As another week passed, the house remained the same. It was now another rainy Sunday night where you couldn't see the stars through the rain clouds. Claire was now spending every second night in her own bedroom, an effort on Olivia's part to help her grow up. Alex found the nights lonely without the sound of her breath. She couldn't sleep in this house, not properly anyway. Too many bad memories. The bedroom she shared with Olivia was only just down the hall from her old one. The door to that room, still unopened.

"Alex?"

The sound of Olivia's soft and sleepy voice echoed in Alex's ears, making her unsure if something had really been said. She turned to Olivia's face which lay on a pillow to her right.

"I know it's hard for you hear." She whispered her chocolate brown eyes full of sadness.

"I know I haven't been as close as I should be, I just feel like you're shutting me out again." She murmured.

"Liv, I don't want to talk about this now." Alex said bluntly.

Olivia sat up and wound her arm around Alex's chest.

"You're doing it again, please, even the kids have noticed. They know that something in this house isn't right; they know you're not alright." Olivia whispered as she nuzzled her head into Alex's neck.

Alex sighed, she felt like crying but the tears just wouldn't come out. Instead she wrapped an arm around Olivia. She had missed the comfort it could bring.

"I'm sorry." Alex whispered with a kiss to Olivia's head.

"I love you Alex."

"I love you too."

...

Alex arose from a nightmare at six am. Unable to fall back into sleep she arose quietly, trying not to wake Olivia. She snuck down to the kitchen in her pyjamas. She felt just as horrible as she had in the last few days but she needed to pick herself up. She never told Olivia, or anyone else, about her encounter with Tom and had since been even more careful around him. She didn't want to scare Olivia like she scared herself. Trying to distract her thoughts, Alex decided to cook breakfast for the household. By six thirty, a sleepy Noah wandered in to the dining room to see his mother serving up pancakes and juice.

"Mom?" He asked as he rubbed his eyes.

"Good morning sweetie." Alex whispered as she leant down to hug him, not being able to resist touching his brown curls.

"Go wake everyone else, tell them I've made breakfast." Alex said cheerfully.

Noah let a large smile spread across his face at the realisation his mother was back to normal and so dutifully ran up the stairs to wake everyone. Within ten minutes the dining room was buzzing with life. Everyone had been invigorated by each other's happiness. Even Catherine managed to fit in a pancake before she left for work.

"Thank you." Olivia whispered into Alex's as she pulled her into a hug and brief kiss.

Alex had missed the closeness, the happiness. She had missed her family. The Monday morning was cold but there was no rain so she saw the children on to their bus and waved goodbye to Olivia as she went to work, taking Claire to kindergarten on her way. The animals, especially Scooter, were all revelling in the outside, even Blackie perched herself in a tree. However, everyone was gone and now Alex was left to face the day alone with Tom as she had almost every day in the two months since they'd moved to California. Alex sighed and made her way back inside the house so that she could clean up the breakfast mess. She had been lucky enough to not have to return to the study in needing to ask for heat because in the morning when she awoke he had already done it. The dining room was a mess; Alex took all the dishes into the kitchen and wiped down all the surfaces in the dining room.

"Almost done." She sighed as she made her way back into the kitchen so that she could clean the dishes.

As the hot water ran, Alex tied her messy hair into a loose high ponytail, leaving a few strands of her fringe across her forehead. She finished just quick enough to turn the tap off before the water rose too high. At least ten minutes passed with Alex singing as she cleaned each dish, piece of cutlery and cup before she was interrupted. She hadn't heard him leave the study, or walk down the hall, she definitely hadn't heard him enter the kitchen, in fact, she hadn't heard him until she heard the sound of his breath in her ear. Singing had been a bad idea.


	22. Deja vu

"What do you cops _do _to these cars?" Olivia exclaimed from under the hood of yet another black sedan.

She could hear Elliot's chuckle from over where he leant against the tool counter.

"It's not funny; looks like you've got some severe engine damage here." Olivia said with a shake of her head.

Elliot held up his hands in defence.

"I'm not always the one driving these things." He smiled.

After a few more minutes, Olivia appeared from under the hood, her face covered in a light sheen of sweat despite the cool weather.

"Mind if I take a break?" Olivia asked as she made a beeline for her water bottle.

"No problem. So Olivia, got a family you brought to California with you?"

"Yeah, a wife and five kids." Olivia smiled.

"Wife and four, soon to be five." Elliot smiled; he obviously had no objection to Olivia being gay.

"Yeah? Congrats man. Know if it's a boy or girl?" Olivia grinned widely.

"Hopefully a boy only got one other. How old are yours?"

"Oldest are fourteen and fifteen, the others are ten, eight and three. Two boys, rest are girls. All good kids though."

"What school are your oldest two at?" Elliot queried.

"Local private school." Olivia said as she headed back towards the car.

"Yeah? My youngest two, Dickie and Lizzie are there too, both year tens."

"My Beth's in year ten, Elijah in year nine." Olivia smiled; they had a little in common.

"Funny that, my son's been raving about this new Beth girl, wouldn't happen to be yours would she?"

Olivia racked her brain, wondering if Beth had mentioned anything about a Dickie but she couldn't remember.

"Maybe." Olivia shrugged.

"Beth's got my wife's last name instead of mine."

"I'll find out and let you know." Elliot waved as he headed out of the garage.

"I'm gonna' go and pick up some lunch!" He called back.

Olivia waved him off with her hand before she returned to fixing the car.

...

Alex found herself quivering in his presence; in his closeness... her pyjama shirt had ridden up her hip a little, leaving a small space of pale skin exposed. When the first of his fingers touched her there the cup she was holding smashed to the ground. Tom didn't hesitate. He laid his whole right hand on her hip and used his thumb to push her shirt further up. With the other hand he moved her ponytail, his fingers hovering just over her neck, not quite touching her prickled skin.

"Stop." Alex whispered.

She turned her head left, trying to get away from his touch. He kissed her neck. It was slow and painful for Alex, even after his lips left their place the warmth and wetness from them lingered.

"You have a wife, and so do I." Alex said to him disgusted.

She pushed back from the bench forcefully, her back colliding with his chest as she tried to unsteady him. Instead he caught her. His left arm winding like a vice around her neck and his right hand wandering across her stomach, fingers toying with the elastic of her loose pants.

"You're quite right Alex." He said after a moment.

"And I would quite fancy fucking the brains out of you both." He sneered.

With the last word he released her, shoving her forward so that her bone of her hip collided with the bench and one of her feet stood on the cups broken glass. Alex winced, scrunching her fingers as she held onto the bench, knuckles turning white in the process. Tom left without another word, surely back to his study where he could act like nothing had ever happened. Alex's hip had already begun to form a purple bruise.

"I just crashed into the bench." Alex said to herself.

What was she doing? She could just tell Olivia what happened, but she wouldn't. She knew she wouldn't. Alex cleaned up the broken glass before dislodging a few small pieces from her foot. She cleaned up the drops of her blood that had pooled on the tiles. No one would know.

...

"Fuck." Alex cursed as the water ran over her foot in the shower.

"Are you alright babe?" Olivia called from the sink.

"Uh... yeah." Alex said; shaking her head.

After a few minutes, Olivia joined Alex in the shower. In silence Alex moved her hair so that Olivia could wash her back. It was so relaxing to have Olivia there, she hated herself for keeping things, and she just didn't want to worry her love. Surely Tom would cool down in time? Alex turned to Olivia and wound her arms around the brunette's shoulders before planting a tender kiss on her lips. The warmth of the water pounded over both of them as Olivia's hands trailed down between Alex's breasts and along her ribs, silently counting them like she always did. As the kiss deepened, Olivia moved her fingers to dig into Alex's hips, her thumb hitting the large bruise at the front of Alex's hips. Alex broke the kiss quickly and scrunched her body, trying not to completely double over in pain. Olivia quickly spotted the oddly shaped bruise and gathered the blonde into her arms.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry Lex'." Olivia soothed as she patted the back of Alex's hair.

"What did you do baby?" Olivia whispered.

Alex pulled away and turned around so that the water pounded on her chest again.

"It was nothing; I just knocked it on the countertop." She shrugged as she pulled her blonde tresses across her shoulder again and began to fiddle with them absentmindedly.

"It doesn't look like nothing Alex, are you alright?" Olivia asked worriedly as she placed her hands on Alex's shoulders.

Alex couldn't lie to Olivia's face, she was a good liar but Olivia's eyes usually picked them out.

"Yeah, I'm fine, really." Alex assured.

As she stepped out of the shower and found a towel, Alex leant back and placed a soft kiss on Olivia's cheek in attempt to soothe her worries. Olivia didn't need to worry about anything. Tom was just being male. It would die down. Alex dressed quickly before poking her head back into the bathroom.

"I'm just ducking down to get a drink." She told Olivia before opening their bedroom door and puttering down the stairs, through the dining room and into the kitchen.

She couldn't help but feel slightly uneasy about the room after what had happened, the shattering glass echoed in her imagination like it was still happening. Alex shook her head in an effort to clear it. She sipped her water quickly, determined to return to Olivia.


	23. Deja vu part II

Catherine brushed the waves from her hair in the full length mirror that Tom had insisted having in their room. She'd grown quite thin in the past few months. Tom insisted she be thin, after she had each of the boys she had to work for her body back, but recently she had become stick like rather than waify as she was used to. The bones in her hips had begun to jut out slightly just as her top few ribs had also. She knew that the hollowing of her stomach would soon become as evident as it had in her cheeks. She just needed to eat a few big meals. That was all. Maybe it was the stress. She worked as much as she could to avoid going home. At home she had to work harder. The less she was at home, the less bruises she would have to cover before she left the house.

"Cate." Tom said suddenly.

She would often go into a trance, forgetting he was there at all. If only.

"Yes Thomas?" She asked quietly as she continued to brush through her hair.

"Look at me when you're fucking talking to me." He snarled as he clenched his hand on her shoulder.

Her breath intook sharply at the pain she had grown so used to before she crooked her neck sideways to look just below his eyes.

"Yes Thomas." She sighed.

His hand slid down her arm, caressing almost gently before he returned to his same rough grip.

"Come to bed." He whispered in her ear.

"Bu..."

"Now." He said as he gripped her arm tighter.

"Yes Thomas." She replied, her eyes downcast as she placed the brush on top of their dresser.

Catherine took steady steps towards the bed where she sat down as he began to remove his clothing. He approached her slowly, letting her fear build as he knew it would. He leant into her slowly.

"Look at me." He commanded.

Her eyes locked with his before he kissed her. She kissed back, always did. He was her husband. She loved him but it didn't stop her from despising his very existence. He pushed her back on to the bed. Lifting the shirt from her head and pulling down her shorts and underwear.

"Roll over." He grunted as he momentarily shifted his weight.

Catherine obeyed as she always did. She held the same principle with Tom as she had with her father. The more she complied, the more she reciprocated, the less it would hurt her, the more she would enjoy it. He climbed atop her, taking her from behind as he often rathered. One of his hands rested heavily on her hip as he thrust in to her, the other tangled into her hair, pushing her face into the mattress. There was a time when sex between them had been more enjoyable than this, but that time had passed. It was now few and far between. Catherine knew when to make sound, when he liked her to and when he didn't. Sometimes he wanted her to cry out in ecstasy, others he didn't even want to hear her breath. Tonight she just made small sounds at the appropriate moments, little moans, encouraging grinds against him. That was all required of her tonight.

"Cate." He panted as he leant down towards her ear, still thrusting rhythmically.

"Your sister's a fine specimen, even finer than you, if you don't pick up your game I'll be even more inclined to try her."

His words came out harshly, followed was his release. The words rung in Catherine's head over and over. Long in to the night, even after she left the room to shower.

...

Alex awoke with a start. Her body was covered in a thin sheen of sweat that left strands of her hair sticking to the goose bumps on her back. She needed to pee. Quietly, she exited the bed, Olivia lay snoring contentedly next to her. Alex couldn't help but lean down and kiss her head. Olivia moved slightly but didn't wake. Alex left the room, shutting their bedroom door softly behind her. She looked first towards the closest hall bathroom. She could see the light sneaking out from under its door, the pounding of water echoing in the house. Must have been Catherine. Alex shrugged and began to walk downstairs towards the bathroom just off the left of the staircase from the houses front. She didn't bother turning on the light, instead entered the room quietly, clicked the door shut and used the toilet. Alex walked towards the sink and washed her hands. Everything was fine. Until she looked up.


	24. Deja vu part III

Alex's breath hitched in her throat with a short, sharp yelp. She had made a point not to enter this bathroom since they had returned to the house; in fact she hadn't once entered it since the incident almost sixteen years ago. One of the worst she could remember, the night that Olivia had slept in her bed when they were sixteen years old. The mirror glinted, catching light from somewhere, enough that Alex could see her face in the dark. When she had looked up, it wasn't her face that she saw; it was the face of her terrified sixteen year old self on a night that she had tried so hard to forget. She couldn't tear her eyes away, the image didn't leave. She stood completely frozen in her place, she couldn't breathe. Alex watched the image change before her eyes, a sick torture of her memory and imagination combined. She watched herself quiver in one body, and feel her own shaking in another. She watched the face in the mirror begin jump as a hand appeared on her shoulder. Then the face, the face that haunted every dream, her every turn, every feeling; the face that would never leave her mind. The face of her father, his body advancing over her mirror image. She watched wide eyed as a sickening feeling arose in the pit of her stomach. She watched her father stroke the hair away from the neck of her sixteen year old self, she watched his hand wander. Tears were streaming both down her old face and her new face. They were uncontrollable. Alex began to feel it all over again. His hands on her skin, tearing at her clothes. She longed to run away. Her eyes slammed shut at the touch that invaded her senses. She could feel his hands in her hair, then trailing down her shoulder, pushing the strap of her top down, groping roughly at every piece of flesh he found.

"No, no, no, no, no..." Alex cried shakily.

She could feel his rough, calloused hands pulling down her pants and sliding their way into her underwear. She could smell his breath, feel it against her skin. She remembered the night that he had slammed her against the bathroom wall after she had dared defy him, she remembered how she had cried and how he had only hurt her more. She couldn't stop the tears. They streamed down her cheeks, leaving a warm, wet, salty path along her face just as he had with her thighs. She could feel his hands hovering in her underwear, massaging her.

"Please stop..." She begged in a strangled whisper.

"Daddy loves you princess." Came the rough voice in her ear.

She screamed at the intrusion of his fingers inside her, she tried to force her legs shut but he was there, inside her, pleasuring himself through her. Her eyes held themselves tighter shut than they ever had. She felt her body shaking violently, tears streaming faster and faster as his touches became rougher, faster, and more violent. His voice in her ears repeating the same things over and over.

"Daddy loves you princess... Cum for me darling... You're so weak Alexandra... You can never tell... You make daddy feel so good..."

...

Olivia awoke suddenly with a jump; she registered the lack of Alex's presence before she registered the blood curdling screams coming from downstairs. She was half way down the stairs before anyone else had even managed to open their doors. In the back of her mind she could hear them trailing behind her. In the end, she got there first, having flung open the bathroom door to see Alex on the ground. The blonde was crouched on the cold tiles, tears streaming out of her tightly closed eyes and hair dishevelled around her. Olivia approached her slowly, well aware of the households eyes upon her.

"Alex?" Olivia asked softly as she remained a few inches away.

Alex was hyperventilating, but she was talking too.

"Alex, Alex it's okay." Olivia whispered as she laid a gentle hand on Alex's shoulder.

Alex jumped and continued to shake.

"No, no, no, no, no..." She whispered painfully.

Olivia kept her hand steady on Alex as she moved around behind her shaking wife. Olivia moved her hand slightly down Alex's shoulder and Alex screamed. She struck out, flaying her arms and managed to hit Olivia in the gut. From the corner of her eye, as she clutched her stomach, she could see Catherine trying to herd all the children away. The younger ones, noticeably quite frightened, followed willingly where as Elijah took a little coercing and Beth just shook off her aunt. Beth stood, completely silent, watching both her mother's. Tom stood next to her, just as quiet.

"Alex, Alex baby; it's Olivia, please calm down..." Olivia whispered as lovingly as she could manage.

Olivia repeated herself over and over despite Alex's shaking and crying. She wound her arm around Alex, holding her arms in place and pulling the woman into her. For a long time, she struggled. It took all of Olivia's strength to hold her still, the whole time whispering how much she loved her, that it was going to be okay until eventually Alex began to open her eyes. The first thing she saw was Olivia's face and although she couldn't smile through her terrified tears, she was so happy to have seen Olivia. Alex cried for what seemed like an endless amount of time. She was bleeding. During her flashback she had managed to cut herself almost everywhere with her nails, had even managed to get Olivia's neck.

"Shhh... It's okay Lex, everything will be okay. I will stay with you until you tell me to go and maybe even then. I love you, I love you, I love you..." Olivia whispered repeatedly.

Olivia cradled Alex in her arms; out of everyone, Beth stayed the longest. It was like she couldn't tear her eyes away. She had never seen either of her parents like this. She knew that it was this house. It had done something horrible to them. Especially to Alex.


	25. The morning after

Olivia had forced the children to go to school in the morning, all without explanation.

"I will talk to you all separately tonight." She had promised.

Catherine had taken Claire to kindergarten without a word and Tom had returned to the study quietly. Alex, exhausted as she was, didn't sleep. She couldn't even if she wanted to. She was terrified of having her eyes open let alone having them closed. Olivia stayed awake with her, in her presence at all times, never out of Alex's line of sight. They lay in their bedroom, on the bed with the door closed. Alex's whole body lay an inch away from Olivia; she couldn't get his touch out of her head. They just stare at each other, hands outstretched, palm against palm. It was just enough contact for Alex to feel at ease. It was the same thing they did whenever she had a flashback, at least one that was more than minor. They lay silent for many hours, Olivia just happy that the sound of Alex's screaming had almost left her mind. It was worse if she was awake when they happened, they were less frequent but they made life difficult. Olivia could have sworn that in the last few years their severity had lessened; in her sleep, the nightmares ripped her apart, she spent many nights screaming, thrashing around and quite honestly, losing her mind. Olivia had tried to talk her in to seeing a psychologist, or even psychiatrist, but Alex refused. She insisted that she was getting better. Maybe she was, had been at least. Until they came back to this house, Alex was happy.

"Liv?" Alex asked in a whisper.

"Yes sweetheart." Olivia smiled.

"It was so real..." She said, shaking her head.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Olivia asked gently.

"No." Alex replied promptly.

She had never really talked about it, especially not in detail. Most of what Olivia knew came from the things Alex screamed in her sleep or the way that Alex twitched or cried at certain words, names or touches. Olivia always had to be so careful. They hadn't even had sex until after Elijah's birth. Things with Alex were slow. They hadn't done anything more than kiss since their arrival in the house but Olivia was patient. She just wanted to see Alex happy again.

"I'm going to leave the ensuite door open from now on so that you remember there is a bathroom in there okay?"

Alex nodded.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, she felt ashamed of what had happened in the night.

"No, no, no..." Olivia said hurriedly.

"I was just so scared for you; I didn't know what to do. On the upside, you hit me pretty hard." Olivia chuckled.

"Oh Liv! That's not funny! I could have really hurt you..."

"That's good. It means that if anyone ever tries to hurt you, so help them when I get my hands on them, you can give them a nice blow just like you did me." Olivia smiled awkwardly.

Alex tried to smile back, but she couldn't. The remark had made her think about Tom; now would be the perfect time to say something, but she didn't. She couldn't. Olivia was worried enough.

"I'm ready to have a shower now." Alex said as she began to stand.

"Do you need me to come?" Olivia asked softly.

"No." Alex replied promptly.

"I... I'll be fine."

...

Alex did the same thing she did sixteen years ago. She turned the water up so high that it scalded her skin, turning red in seconds, so hot she could hardly stand it. Her body was covered in nail scratches, some deeper than others; she even had fingerprint shaped bruises on her arms because of how tight she had been holding on to herself. They were smaller than the ones he would leave. She scrubbed her skin red raw, remaining in the shower until the water became cold; even then she had to fight to step out. She wrapped her body in the white robe Olivia had left for her. Tomorrow, she would pick herself up and return to normal even if it killed her.


	26. The talk

Olivia had let Claire sleep next to Alex in the bed, knowing that Alex wouldn't sleep but instead take comfort in Claire's breathing and the smell of her sweet skin. Claire benefited from it too. Young children could sense emotions so well; she sensed Alex's distress and became distressed herself. It was nice that they could both be calmer together.

...

First Olivia went to Noah's room. She dreaded the conversation ahead with each of her children. Especially the older two.

"Noah?" She asked quietly as she opened his door slightly.

Noah lay in bed, readily waiting for his mother.

"Is mom okay?" Noah asked innocently.

"She will be, I promise." Olivia smiled as she sat on the end of his bed.

"I don't like it here but I don't want to leave." Noah said suddenly.

"Honey, we don't have to leave. Why would you think that?" Olivia asked with a furrowed brow.

"Mommy is unhappy here, and I don't like her being sad but... I really like my new school and I like my friends and Scooter likes it outside here." He sighed frustrated.

"Whoa, slow down Tiger." Olivia smiled.

Noah looked at her, brown curls falling over his face.

"Whatever happens, we will work it out okay. Mom is going to get better and we're all going to help you. What I need you and Hannah to do now is just give her lots of cuddles and listen to whatever she says, okay? Be on your best behaviour please."

"Okay." Noah said quietly.

"Now sleep. I love you, Mom loves you too." Olivia smiled as she kissed Noah's head and tucked him in.

...

"Mom?" Hannah asked as she slid under her covers, preparing for bed just as Noah had done.

"Yeah, Hannah banana?" Olivia smiled as she moved to run a hand through her daughter's wispy blonde hair.

"Are you and mommy fighting?" She asked with a frightened look.

"No, honey, not at all. Why would you think that?" Olivia asked, rather puzzled.

"Because she hit you and she was yelling a lot." Hannah shrugged.

Olivia sighed and bit her lip.

"Your mom was really upset and she hit me because she was scared, not that it's okay to do that, but your mom is really sorry and I'm okay, really, just a small bruise. That's why she was yelling too. She would have come to say goodnight but she's very tired; but she told me to tell you how much she loves you."

At the last sentence, Olivia pulled Hannah into a tight hug.

"Tell mommy I love her too and that I hope all her monsters go away." Hannah whispered innocently.

Olivia squeezed her tighter.

"I will goodnight."

...

Elijah's bedroom door was open when she came to him. He was quite distressed, not detached as he usually was. He sat on the edge of his bed, a sheen of sweat in his hair, elbows on his knees. He looked defeated.

"It's my fault." He said suddenly.

Olivia was unsure he had even sensed her presence until then.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked.

"She'd be better if I didn't hate her, if I didn't hate any of you." He sighed.

"What are you talking about Elijah?"

"The other night, before mom was normal again for a while, Catherine told me that she was sick; not like we didn't know, I mean she screams out in her sleep all the time, sometimes she acts weird but this house, what the fuck is it doing to her!?" Elijah yelled.

He stood and pushed some things from his desk. Olivia didn't stop him. At least he was showing emotion.

"What did she tell you?" Olivia sighed as she leant against the door frame.

"Everything but what actually happened. She told me about how mom is sick and that she can't help it and that we just have to love her because then she can get better and all she needs is for us to be good kids. She told me about how she hates this house and that she never thought mom would come back and then something about their dad..."

Olivia's face went cold for a moment.

"What did she say about him?"

Elijah turned to his mother, looked her right in the eyes. His eyes were sad and sorrowful, confused. Olivia's were worried.

"Nothing... just that he would be surprised that mom came back too." Elijah said as he shook his head.

Olivia was slightly relieved. Alex didn't want the children knowing about her childhood. Any stories had been kept brief.

"What the fuck happened in this house?" Elijah asked, turning to Olivia.

He was frustrated, knew that she wouldn't tell him however much she wanted to. It may not make anything better but it would take away most of the confusion. He flopped back on the bed.

"I wish we had never come here." He groaned.

It was clear that he didn't want to talk anymore.

...

When Olivia found Beth, hair red like flame (just as she remembered her father's) she was sitting on her window seat, staring out the window, knees clutched to her chest. Olivia was often disbelieving as to how fifteen years had gone so fast. Beth was living proof.

"I don't want to talk about mom." She said.

"So don't even try."

Olivia's mouth shut momentarily.

"I really think we should but..."

"No." Beth said firmly.

"Okay." Olivia sighed.

Beth turned to her; she clearly had something on her mind.

"I want you to take me to see Cordelia and if you won't take me then I'll find her myself." She said strongly.

"Your mother and I always said that we supported your decision if you ever chose to do this. I must admit that to us it feels quite unnecessary." Olivia shrugged.

"Well I want to do it." Beth said firmly.

"Well... that's fine but I think we should all talk about it as a family, it doesn't just affect you and you know that your mother isn't well..."

"I can't spend my life worrying about her." Beth snapped suddenly.

Olivia frowned.

"She spends her life worrying about you." Olivia said quietly.

Beth sniffled slightly before slouching back in her seat.

"When Cordelia gave you to us, she did it because she thought that we could love you like she couldn't, that we would give you a better life. You know that I'm your godmother but Alex, your mom; she knew you were hers the minute she held you in her arms. Never for a second did she doubt that. She loved, and continues to love you, with all the love she has. "

It was all true. Every word. Olivia was flooded with images from fifteen years ago. The sight of the early morning sunrise against Alex and Beth's faces as they drove away into their new life.

"I'm not going to change my mind about this." She said.

"I know... just, please be careful sweetheart. Good won't necessarily come of this, I hope you know that." Olivia warned.

"I have to know, I have to try. I need to meet her." Beth said as she shook her head.

"I'll organise something, anything, as soon as I can." Olivia assured.

Just as she was leaving, Beth's voice drew her back.

"It's not... it's not because I don't love you." She whispered.

"I know." Olivia smiled.


	27. Carry on

Olivia lay silent in bed that night, her eyes never leaving Alex. If she had fallen asleep at all, even for a few seconds, it was apparent the Alex hadn't noticed. Why would she? Alex's eyes never left the sleeping child between them. Her eyes traced a line from each one of her light brown hairs, soft and fragile that sprouted from the top of her head, down the line of her nose, around each of her gently closed eyes and across the line of her baby lips, lightly wet with saliva. Alex's pale fingers, with freshly cut nails, traced over the soft skin of her baby's stomach, up and down her chubby legs before fiddling with each tiny toe. Alex's hand stroked up and down, ever so gently, just as she had often done with each of her children. Her finger dipped and hovered in the centre of Claire's belly button. She remembered so vividly the cutting of her cord. She hadn't cut Claire's cord that had been Olivia, but she remembered the connection. Alex had only cut one of her children's cords. Elijah's. He had been so special to her. Alex marvelled at how quickly he had turned into a young man. Noah was her little boy; she would probably always see him as that. Elijah wasn't biologically hers, but she had carried him for all those months, nursed him and cared for him. He felt as much hers as he was Olivia's. Although Alex had carried all their children, with the exception of Beth, they had used Olivia's eggs for the conception of Elijah. She often found it remarkable that Noah resembled Olivia so much, despite not sharing any biological connection. They had had Beth's last name changed after Elijah was born, Cordelia had signed all the appropriate forms, and it was one of the last times they really spoke to her. Beth was the only one of their children with the last name Cabot. She couldn't' remember how that had been decided.

...

Alex rose early, insisting that Olivia went to work for the day. It was important to her that everything returned to being as normal as possible.

"Bye mom!" Hannah and Noah called in unison as they stepped on to the bus.

Alex waved to them and also to Claire who was waving goodbye frantically from Olivia's arms. When Alex felt a presence behind her she turned to see Beth and Elijah. Elijah nodded his head and Beth waved. They had both been quite quiet since the incident nearly two days ago. Beth hadn't spoken a word about it to anyone. She couldn't. She didn't even know how or where to begin. It had been like she was twelve all over again.

"Have a nice day!" Alex called as her family left the house.

Catherine, as usual, was already gone leaving just Alex and Tom inhabiting the house. Olivia had mentioned that Beth wanted to find Cordelia; Alex couldn't help but feel slightly hurt even though she knew that it was due to no inadequacy of her own. They had known the day would come and they were going to support her. What Alex feared most was Cordelia disappointing Beth.

"Hey Scooter." Alex whispered as she pet the German shepherd's head lovingly.

The dog wagged her tail and followed Alex back inside the house, making herself comfy in the den. Alex avoided the house's left side completely but however hard she tried, the door to the bathroom caught her eye, it drew her in, torturing her with her own screams, ensnaring her senses to remember him. Something had to be done, Alex couldn't keep living like this, and she just wanted to be out of the house, back to living with her family, back to being happy. Alex promised herself that by the end of the week she would have gone to the hospital and seen her mother. It was the reason she had come, at least, it was the reason she _used _for coming.


	28. The horrible truth

A week passed relatively normally before Alex managed to pluck up the courage needed to see her mother. In the time since her night in the bathroom, Alex had only slept for fifteen hours, less even. She was worn down, exhausted. It was like life carried on normally for everyone else where as Alex's stood quite still. When she did sleep, the nightmares were worse than ever. Olivia had taken to sleeping in the den on Alex's utmost persistence. As comforting as it could be to have her there, Alex knew that Olivia needed a break. She felt like she was killing the people around her. Olivia had gotten into contact with Cordelia's parents, Cordelia was still living in the area, she had a long term partner and three children. It was that last part that Beth had taken quite hardly, even if she hadn't wanted to admit it. However, Cordelia was extremely open to meeting Beth. It would be soon. Too soon.

"I'm looking for Leigh Cabot." Alex asked the station nurse.

"I'm sorry; you'll have to speak up." The nurse apologised.

Alex took a moment to gather herself before looking up and repeating herself.

"I'm her... daughter." Alex continued, almost cringing at the last word.

"Oh, Cathy mentioned that you would be stopping by. I'm sure your mother will be very pleased to see you. She's in that room just over there." The woman pointed with a smile.

Alex walked briskly toward the door, her black handbag held tightly to her. Her hand hovered over the handle. Maybe she should knock. No. She wouldn't risk waking her mother if she happened to be asleep.

"You're being a coward. She can't control you anymore." Alex whispered to herself.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes before opening the door. The figure laying under the white covers of a rickety hospital bed was not the woman that she remembered, at least in appearance. The face she saw was old with highly silver streaked hair. At the sight of her, her mother's own words rung within her ears:

"You won't be beautiful forever."

Alex gazed at the hollowed, sleeping face. Spots of age had begun to show on her skin, heavy wrinkles and a thin sheen of sweat. What scared Alex most about the appearance of this woman wasn't the age; it was the resemblance Alex's features bared to hers. Younger of course, but the definite resemblance was there. Catherine had always looked like their father and Alex like their mother. Two different sides of a coin.

"Alexandra?"

Alex almost jumped at the sound. Her mother had woken; she seemed even frailer as she began to sit up. Nothing but a sack of bones remained.

"Hello." Alex breathed, half in irritation that the woman had awoken and the other half in nervousness.

"Please, sit down." Her voice sounded almost needy, desperate. Alex already felt uncomfortable.

Alex hesitated before shutting the door and moving to sit on a chair at the beds end, thankful that she was closer to the door than to her mother.

"Oh Alexandra..." She whispered, marvelling at the girl in front of her.

"Alex." She interrupted.

She hated Alexandra. Alex was her base name, if one was familiar then they may call her Lex, but never would she accept the name Alexandra again.

"You're so beautiful." Leigh whispered, almost to herself.

Alex shifted in her seat, feeling uncomfortable.

"What's wrong with you, why am I here?" Alex asked bluntly; she was in no position for social formalities.

"Tsk, tsk... We'll get to that later. How are you? Do you have a husband yet? Any children?" Her mother asked enthusiastically.

"I married Olivia, we have five children and I am happy with her." Alex replied strongly.

She would be a fool not to be proud of what she had achieved, a beautiful wife and family. They were what she lived for. Leigh, however, was not impressed. Alex watched her lips go thin disapprovingly.

"I told you that she was wrong for you Alexandra." The woman scolded.

Alex cringed at her name, the same tightness in her chest reappearing.

"I did not care for your opinion then and I certainly do not care for it now. When and if you ever gain my respect again then maybe, just maybe, I will take your opinion into account on any matter other than _my _family." Alex countered; face growing rather hot and the first pricks of tears stinging her eyes.

Leigh's lips pursed further, something resembling rage clouding her eyes.

"I only wanted what was best for you." She seethed.

Alex began to open her mouth but was cut off by the continuation of her mother's ranting.

"I bore you, fed you, and clothed you, cared for you in every way. I loved you Alexandra and all you did was hurt me. You tore apart our family without a second look. Your father..."

"My father raped me!" Alex exclaimed.

"Almost every night from the time I was six until I was seventeen and Olivia gave me the courage and the power to fight back!" Alex was infuriated and her mother didn't even blink.

It took a moment for Alex to see it; something in her mother's eyes that seemed so familiar was finally making sense.

"You knew..." Alex whispered; realisation beginning to dawn on her face.

Alex began to shake her head frantically. She stood quickly and began to pace the room. Her whole body shaking, clutching at her arms trying to wake up from this nightmare.

"You knew." Alex choked out; tears streaked down her face as she looked into the eyes of her mother who seemed completely calm.

"Of course I knew Alexandra! You stupid girl. How could I not have noticed my husband leaving the room almost every night for over ten years?" Her mother scoffed.

"No, no, no, no, no..." Alex cried.

Alex couldn't stop pacing, if she stopped moving the whole world would crumble around her. The words still rung in her ears.

"You told me I was a liar."

Alex was talking more to herself than anyone else now.

"Of course I did. I wanted you to shut up before you ruined us but you wouldn't do it. You just didn't love us enough to shut up. You ruined us Alexandra." Leigh scolded.

"He ruined me!" Alex screamed.

"I couldn't leave him, I loved him. You must understand Alexandra that in the time I came from it was a common occurrence in every household. He couldn't help himself, he was ill. You should have loved him, he loved you! If anything he loved you too much, he loved you more than he did me, his wife."

"That wasn't love!"

"You're the reason he's dead Alexandra, and you're the reason I'm dying now, of a broken heart. I made a lot of sacrifices for you; I did what I had to so that I could survive, so that we could survive. I kept us together. We were a happy family until you couldn't keep your mouth shut. You had to ruin us. You should have just let him love you. It only hurt you because you let it."

Alex's vision was beginning to blur, she couldn't think. Every night of her abuse flashed before her eyes. She couldn't escape it; she just wanted all of it to end. She didn't hear the door open, or feel the nurses hand on her shoulder trying to calm her, to get her to stop crying, but she heard her voice like an echo in the back of her mind.

"Are you alright miss? I think you should leave now. Calm down.

Alex turned towards her Leigh whom sat poised in her bed, not a muscle moving in her ragged old face.

"I will never contact you again from this moment on. You will never contact me. You will never contact my children or my family in any way. You will never see how beautiful they are. You are not my mother and never again will I love you. You're dead to me." Alex's voice broke painfully at the last part.

She was truly broken.


End file.
